We Learn and We Grow

Our Interpretation of the world changes as new information is verified and added to the knowledge base. The list of changes is monumental because the experience of life is always changing.

We are explorers, innovators, inquisitors, and we adapt as we go. Because of all the advancements it is not advantageous for us to cling to outmoded concepts, rituals, and practices.

Like it or not, believe it or not, accept it or not we are bound to follow certain aspects of the universe. We may change our relationship with them. For example, cataclysmic events are not the result of an angry Deity. Or electricity in the form of lightning is not supernatural. Sure, it took us a while but today we have a better handle on these things than we did. Our application of electrical principles is expanding into other aspects of matter and energy.

Clinging to past logic loops and justifying them in any fashion will not allow for spiritual growth or expansion of our database. As they say in the computer programming world “Garbage In Garbage Out”.

I want to include in my present experience an element of zeal, which to me is kind of a mix of eagerness and energy. Particularly because our teaching releases me to experience unencumbered freedom like I never knew before. Now that I have Science of Mind, I want to step into the authentic version of me and feel the awesomeness of life.

Today is a great day. We are on a continually advancing adventure. Expanding into life learning and growing every moment. Our CSL is becoming and expanding. I am looking forward to the changes with excitement and anticipation.

–In shared growth, Chris

Stepping Out and Up By

Living in New York City for 35 years – a highly visual and colorful city – I particularly like Dr. Holmes when he uses especially vivid language to state that the responsibility for my Life is mine – all mine – AND only mine. It helps me remember the lesson.

“… The fact that our foot may be in a mud puddle now need not concern us for we can step to higher ground. We need to do this rather than to sit down with our foot still in the puddle and bemoan our situation, carefully noting in our mind every step we took which led us to our predicament, and probably finding ourselves sinking deeper into the mire rather than getting out of it.”       Ernest Holmes & Willis Kinnear. A New Design for Living (pp. 95-96).

That “stepping to higher ground” requires knowing not only that it exists, but it is within reach. Always already available. After 6 years of being around CSLT, I am finding the truth of that. As I’ve been taught, it’s simple, but not easy.

Persistent consistence are my bywords for moving out of the puddle and onto drier always somewhat higher ground. My house is papered with post-its reminding me to pay attention to now and to stay aware of and avoid the default state of mind that can so easily plop me right back into that puddle. The notes work better when I read them regularly.

Two weeks ago, in class (New Design for Living), Maria reminded us of the 5 ways to avoid any hole in our way. (The complete version of this is by Portia Nelson and follows this blog.)

Here’s my summary:

1- I see a hole and walk into it; complain, cry unfair, and eventually drag out of it.
2- I see it again and walk into it, say oh no, not again and begin crawling out.
3- I see it and walk into it, know it is my fault, and leave immediately.
4- I see it and walk around it.
5- I take a different path altogether.

Change is up to me, and I know that. I also know that the path and the changing are easier when I share it with like-minded individuals. The reminders on Sunday, chatting as we set-up and put away Sunday Service essentials, the small times we are together and share, the delighted laughter at some of the music choices these and so many more instances of sharing and caring provide the energy to reach up and out to that higher ground.

Thank you all for all the help in my stepping up and out.

–In Peace, Mariann

Continue reading for “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters” by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

Copyright (c) 1993, by Portia Nelson from the book There’s A Hole in My Sidewalk.

The Wheel of Time

By the time this newsletter lands in your inbox at 3am (MST) on Wednesday morning, I will have retired as the senior minister at CSL Tucson, and your CSLT board will have already begun taking the actions necessary to identify what CSLT desires in their next minister. I affirm that your next CSLT minister is already beginning to feel the pull to join this beloved community.

I thank you for the beautiful send-off that happened this past Sunday – for the applause after my talk, the party, the hugs, the cards, the gifts (you didn’t have to, and thank you!), and your words of encouragement about my next adventure. I also want to thank you for the things I learned as your senior minister, all the joys, the hard things and every single thing in between — all the growth that I personally experienced.

I meant every word I said Sunday about every individual already having everything they need to live as their full expression as their divine self – living out loud. God as you, right here and right now. This doesn’t, can’t, and won’t negate the Law of Cause and Effect, or choice and consequence, as I like to think about it, because we all get to learn as we go. Holmes wrote about life this way (The Science of Mind 384.1) “it leaves us free to work out our own salvation – not with fear or even with trembling – but with peace and in quiet confidence.” Each one of us gets to work out what gives us and our life experience more light, joy, delight, wonder, awe and life, or whatever qualities of Abundant Good each one of us chooses to experience in greater expression.

I also meant every word from that African proverb about being able to ‘go farther’ as part of a spiritual community that you support and that supports you. I know of no successful person who doesn’t have a community of practice. Give yourself that gift of community by participating.

I leave you with one final thought. Those of you who know me well, know I have a particular affinity for the Tao Te Ching, almost anybody’s translation. I came across a little book recently, called The Art of Pastoring, Contemplative Reflections, by William C Martin. He’s paraphrased the writings of the Tao Te Ching as guidance for ministers.

–Rev Janis Farmer

Me to We and Back Again

“If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together.” — African Proverb

I’ve realized in these past few weeks that I’m quickly running out of time to ‘speak about’ one of the ideas that I’ve wanted to share with you all for most of a decade. I still haven’t figured out how to do it, but here goes. It’s an idea that originates from the world of psychology, and business, and totally belongs in a conversation of spiritual evolution for individuals and communities.

You remember in the Four Kingdoms of Consciousness that Dr Michael Beckwith made popular, there are different levels of consciousness – Level one, Victim (Stuff happens to me); Level 2, Victorious (Stuff happens by my thoughts, choices, decisions & actions); Level 3, Conduit (Stuff happens through me); and Level 4, Mastery/As One In God (Stuff happens as me). If you don’t remember this model, look up Beckwith on YouTube. This model is worth a refresher if you don’t remember it.

One piece of this model that is easy to forget is that every single one of us moves between the different levels multiple times a day, depending on the state of our awareness, and our momentary physical, mental/psychological, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Most individuals will have a level that serves as their home base – most individuals who have been around New Thought for a while and have embodied the principles tend to have their home base at Level 2 or higher. (I know of no human who walks on the earth at this time who lives primarily in Level 4. The best most of us can do is visit there, now and then.)

Another piece of this model that’s easy to forget is that it’s somewhat of a linear process – that is, you can’t skip over a step. Even if you don’t want to be materialistic, you still have to have the experience and awareness of being able to manifest your desires (level 2) before you can move into levels 3 and 4.

This other model that I want to introduce is called Spiral Dynamics. The article, The Never-Ending Upward Quest” by Jessica Roemischer, gives a more in-depth introduction to the Spiral Dynamics model. The model’s basic premise is that individuals and groups automatically move up and (for short periods) down the spiral of social development. No level is bad or wrong.

Each level is appropriate to the social conditions that the person or group experiences, and what shifts each individual and group up or down the levels is their reaction to, or resistance to, change. (…more on that in a minute) Each level (stage) builds on the previous level, and you can’t skip a level because you don’t like it. Each one of us moves through different levels in different parts of our lives and in different situations, depending on our state of awareness, our reaction to changing conditions, and our momentary physical, mental/psychological, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

The basic level, at the bottom of the spiral, is simple survival. The next level is ‘Paternalism’ aka tribalism, where there is an in-group that matters, and everyone else who doesn’t. This is the first level of group, or ‘we consciousness’. The next level
that naturally arises from the tribal consciousness is that of the Tribal Leader. Someone has to make the decisions, after all! (Think about George Orwell’s 1984, “All pigs are equal, but some pigs are more equal than others.”)

The leader is not necessarily benevolent, but their presence and leadership does provide stability and structure that usually allows the larger group to flourish.

The next stage of social evolution is the ‘Rules-and-Regulations’ group or the Order-based group. An example of this group would be an organization, like the US Military or the Catholic Church. As long as an individual aligns with the rules of the group, then all is well. If not, and the organization can control or suppress the outlying individual, they will.

Sometimes, an individual will learn to work the ‘system of order’ to maximize their own benefit. This gives rise to the next stage of development, which on the spiral is shown as ‘Profit’. Richard Branson/Virgin Airlines and Elon Musk with his many ventures are examples of this stage of social evolution. When there is a reaction to individuals such as Branson or Musk, it can arise from within the ‘Rules & Regulations’ folks, or it can arise from the next stage of the model, which is shown on the spiral as ‘People’.

In this group — People — everyone’s voice matters, and it’s really hard to get anything done because no one wants to be the one in charge. This stage of social evolution looks a lot like the earlier Tribal model, except the tribe is massive.

Most modern ‘First World’ individuals live somewhere on the spiral between the Order-based group and the People-focused group. The individuals we think of as successful are often operating primarily from the individually-focused Profit-focused group. In general, ‘First World’ individuals and groups have moved past the level of social evolution associated with simple survival – though in situations of massive destruction like major fires, earthquakes or hurricanes, you will find people desperate enough to choose to serve their own survival needs, or their immediate family needs, over the community needs.

There are still more stages of the spiral beyond the People-focused stage. In the Spiral Dynamics model, the upward shift to the next level after ‘People’ is challenging, because not only is everyone’s contribution valued, but all the people at all the levels are seen as already providing value to the whole.

And so it goes, ad infinitum.

Next, I want to take a quick peek at this ‘Change Model’. The key idea is that we humans generally prefer to live in the ‘alpha’ state of stability and peace. But when stuff happens in our lives that pulls us off balance (the ‘beta’ state in the diagram), we have choices we can make. We can adapt/flex with that change, work with Reality as it is, or we can fight with it and stay in an upset or tension state.

 

In Science of Mind terminology, this is simply an expression of working beneficially with the Law of Cause and Effect. We can recognize when we are in resistance (arguing with Life). We can ignore Reality and stay miserable; or we can redirect our focus and attention and realign with Life, and return to ‘alpha’.

We always have the option of staying miserable. It’s a choice, and people do make that choice. Sometimes folks don’t know that they have another option, because they’ve accepted the cultural conditioning that says they are powerless. Until they choose to take responsibility for their life experiences rather than thinking they are victims, they are stuck. Their stuckness is evidence of living in First Kingdom mentality from Michael Beckwith’s Four Kingdoms of Consciousness model. Lots of people choose to believe they are powerless and stay stuck in that powerlessness.

While the Four Kingdoms model is entirely focused on the growth and maturation of the individual, the Spiral Dynamics model recognizes that we (humans) automatically can and will switch between the levels/stages and adjust our focus between individual’s success and the success of our group. Dr David Hawkins (author of Power Versus Force) said that historically change like this happened only very slowly through the generations. He also noted that the rate of change/evolution has increased in recent decades. This is good news.

If you want to learn more about the Spiral Dynamics model, there are several books, articles, and YouTube videos that discuss it. If you read the online publication Medium, check out the writings of Jon Freeman on the topic. For our newsletter, I’ve added an article, “The Never-Ending Upward Quest” by Jessica Roemischer from the journal What Is Enlightenment?, first published fall/winter 2002.

Dr Jim Lockhard has written Creating The Beloved Community introducing these ideas in the context of spiritual community and Being The Beloved Community which is about how spiritual communities can choose to deal constructively with change. Unfortunately, you can’t understand the second book without reading and digesting the first book. The classic textbook by Don Beck and Christopher Cowan, Spiral Dynamics, Mastering Values, Leadership and Change, can give you additional background on the topic.

I know I’ve thrown a lot of information at you in these almost 1500 words. I think it is important to introduce you to this highly valuable, testable model that helps us recognize who/where we are individually and as a group. The good news — this progression to higher order thinking and awareness happens whether we know about it or not. But knowing about it, we can choose to direct our attention and focus toward greater consciousness. We always have choice in the speed, and ease, of our individual and collective transformation. Happy spiraling!

The link to “The Never-Ending Upward Quest” by Jessica Roemischer from the journal What Is Enlightenment?, first published fall/winter 2002.

Rev. Dr. Jim Lockard Creating The Beloved Community

The classic textbook by Don Beck and Christopher Cowan, Spiral Dynamics, Mastering Values, Leadership and Change is available from various sources online.

Thoughts about Being Present in the Practice

I’ve been working with BrainHQ for over 250 days. I haven’t actually worked with it every single day, but I have spent at least 5 minutes playing the ‘brain games’ most days. An interesting thing that I’ve noticed is that I’ve gotten better at some of the games that I was particularly pitifully unskilled at in the early days of playing. I’ve also noticed a couple more things about myself that are more broadly applicable.

Brain HQ is a fairly fast paced game that’s mostly about attention and focus. Every time I let my mind wander, I miss the next puzzle. If I berate myself for missing that puzzle, then I fail at the next several puzzles too, because I’m more focused on being irritated with myself, than I am on staying engaged with the game. This is great feedback, because it tells me that I’ve shifted my focus from something that has potential benefit, to something that doesn’t.

When I was much younger, I remember experiencing this same feeling. When my piano teacher wanted me to perform in public, I was so tense about performing that if/when I made an error (when I would lose my place, or fumble some notes), I would get so flustered, it was all over. My ability to continue was trashed. I didn’t have the external support to help me work my way through my lack of belief in myself as a musician, and I didn’t have the internal support that would allow me to see a way through. I’ve always appreciated musicians and actors who could flub a line and recover. I now have words to describe what they do – they redirect their focus from what went sideways (aka ‘wrong’) to what they wanted to have happen.

This is a basic teaching or practice in what we do, or what anybody wants to do, when they are moving in the direction of our dreams. When we screw up, or lose focus, we pick ourselves up, and begin again. We do this as many times as it takes. Most of us would prefer to reach a state of advancement that we no longer stumble and fall, but I’m not sure how realistic that is. It may be that we reach a state where we simply recover faster, wasting less time on self-irritation.

In sailing: If you are sailing towards a particular place, whether it is a tropical island, or the buoy that marks the turning-around-point of a sailboat race, you are almost never 100% on course. Instead, you are tacking back and forth, working toward that goal. I think the same thing is true in life.

I was reading Robert Greene’s The Daily Laws the other night. (If you have this book, it was the reading for February 11th.) He started by quoting Emerson, “That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our power to do has increased.” The daily reading was about how we get to an advanced state of practice wherein it is easier to stay focused on our intended target.

He wrote, “… The more we do it (the thing we want to learn), the easier it becomes. Even with skills that are primarily mental, such as computer programming or speaking a foreign language, it remains the case that we learn best through practice and repetition – the natural learning process. We learn a foreign language by actually speaking it as much as possible, not by reading books and absorbing theories. The more we speak and practice, the more fluent we become. [This next section is the key to the puzzle that Greene unlocks.] Once you take this far enough, you enter a cycle of accelerated returns in which the practice becomes easier and more interesting, leading to the ability to practice for longer hours, which increases your skill level, which in turn makes the practice even more interesting. Reaching this cycle is the goal you must set for yourself.”

This is equally true for spiritual practice. We don’t ever reach a level where we can stop practicing. We can reach a level where the practice becomes attractive and enjoyable in its own right. Happy practicing!

A reminder that supports this idea from Ben Hardy

–Rev Janis

A Love Story

Valentine’s Day was yesterday, a holiday celebrating love. I want to relate to you a Love story that is still unfolding even though my friend Bob’s wife Sue made her transition last month.

Bob called me about a month ago to say, “I lost Sue.” He told me that for the past several months she had been suffering more physically and emotionally. Her pain was increasing and her breathing capacity was decreasing. She told John she didn’t like being a burden to him. He replied, “A burden is a weight someone puts on you, a load is something a person picks up himself. You are not a burden, you are “my” load.” Never complaining about the slack he picked up for her, he was always looking for ways to express his love for her and brighten her day.

Having witnessed her mother spend her final days in a hospital, Sue swore she would not endure that herself. They had discussed getting medical support, but Sue refused. She always did have a strong connection to the Divine. Maybe she knew her physical presence on earth was coming to an end. She told Bob she was going to live her life as she was guided and if that meant it would be a shorter life, she was at peace with that. Out of his love for her, John reluctantly said he could live with that. A few days later Bob found Sue’s unconscious body on the floor of their home. He had given her permission to go on her terms and she did.

A few days after that initial phone call, Bob contacted me again. “Remember when I said to you that I had ‘lost’ Sue? I haven’t! She’s not physically beside me, but her Love and Spirit are. As I was sitting in our home, I heard Sue’s voice say ‘I’m not gone. I’ll always be with you.’ I looked around our home and saw her everywhere – in the books she loved, the treasures she brought home from travels, in the wonderful memories we made, in my heart. A sense of peace came over me.”

After that conversation, I found this and passed it on to Bob. “We may reach…inner calm when we become totally in tune with the Infinite, when we come to a place within of knowing that we are at all times at one with the Infinite expression of Love. No matter what we experience at any given moment, we have the freedom of choice to be at peace, serene, calm in Love.” Rev. Dr. Marilyn Louise Leo (Jan 2023 SOM Magazine p.50) This is exactly how I witness Bob carrying on.

As Bob is going through his days now, he continues to talk to and ask for advice from Sue. Now, without her physical limitations, she can accompany him on walks through the desert and other adventures, experiencing through his eyes. When he needs direction, he puts the question out there and remains open. The answer always comes, and he knows it is inspired by Sue, by Love, as she is one with Spirit. He doesn’t know what direction his life is going to take, but he is living it from Inspiration, from his connection to the Infinite expression of eternal Love.

That I call a true, everlasting Love story.

–Janet Salese

GOT LOVE

Since February 14 is Valentine’s Day, my thoughts bring me to want to write about Love.

Wait! Did I just say that? Want to write? Yes, I do want to write. ‘Change my thinking, change my life’ is definitely becoming apparent. But what’s love got to do with it?

Everything!

Love is one of the greatest feelings I receive every moment of my life. My mind and heart overflow with love. Love is everywhere and in everything.

“As for love, when our minds are filled with thoughts of love for others it seems that we are surrounded by people and situations of a loving nature.”
“Today I bestow the essence of love upon everything. Everyone I meet shall be lovely to me. My soul meets the soul of the Universe in everyone. This love is a healing power touching everything into wholeness.”

Ernest Holmes-A New Design for Living pages 80 and 238 (And a whole chapter on Love can be read in this book.)

For me, feeling and being a part of the love is very easy and comes quite naturally when life is going along as I desire. But (there’s always a but) being in the state of love can be quite challenging when life can change in an instant. That instant is usually something someone said or did to me. I know I am overly sensitive (I’ve been told) and my feelings easily get hurt (and that really matters to no one). Knowing this doesn’t ease the pain or change the way I feel in the moment. When that moment hits, I quickly shut down as the lump in my throat starts to grow. (That’s the mind/body connection which I’ll save for another article.) The only way I know to immediately try and ease the pain of the moment is to quietly cry to my self. The tears help to wash the hurt away. With time, everything heals although the experience often isn’t forgotten.

Then I return to love. I always come back to the love.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.                                    Love never fails.
-1 Corinthians 13:4

–Madeline Pallanes

CHANGE

Change like Time continues because it must. The Multiverse exists because, among other things, Energy is inherently not static.

My belief, since we are conscious manifestations of this Energy sometimes called God, is that we are always at choice:

We can be carried along and mindlessly accept the consequences of the operations of the universe.

We can follow the various states of emotion that have been pre-programmed into our subconscious and act or react from a place of an old story that has made its way into our current state of consciousness.

OR we can use our innate abilities of choice to influence our experience.

Change however it initially presents itself is inherently open for interpretation.

Whenever possible I try to move into the vantage point of excitement and opportunity. My desire to experience the universe with Positivity and Joy appeals to me and is conducive to the life experience I am wanting to have. Sometimes when a situation is presenting in a particularly troubling way, making a statement to myself such as “It is all for my good” or going directly to “Thank you” avoids the possibility of a period of unhappiness.

Sometimes my first reaction to a situation is one of emotion. Not always a good emotion, and I can experience pain around events. I find that identifying what I am feeling helps to process the feeling. If it is a feeling that causes discomfort, recognition is the first step to processing the feeling and changing the interpretation of the event.

A phrase that I identify with is “I am doing better than I am feeling”.

Gratitude even for things that do not fit our dominant view of reality can free our receptivity to re-interpret any event and open us to the next changed state of mind.

Rev Janis leaving CSLT is part of the flow of events. Having her as minister has been a wonderful experience for me. For which I am most grateful, and it also brings to mind these words from Dr. Holmes:

“The Thing simmers Itself down to this. Can we in the midst of negative conditions, accept a greater good”. If we can we shall be complying with the law of Life. We shall be giving Life a chance to work for us.

And so It is.

–Chris Wheeler

SPIRITUAL GROWTH IN THE NEW YEAR

“I used to start diets, too. I hated to mention this to my then therapist. She would say cheerfully, ‘Oh, that’s great, honey. How much weight are you hoping to gain?’ I got rid of her. No one talks to me that way.” Anne Lamott

I’ve never appreciated the practice of New Year’s resolutions. Change involves action. The Twelve Step program has taught me that if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. I’ve been chubby at best all my life and have the baby pictures to prove it. Every year in adulthood I have known that I should lose weight but wouldn’t declare weight loss as a goal. I knew I didn’t have the willpower to make the changes that would result in my dropping pounds. Before CSL I knew something of Cause and Effect. I also came to understand that I didn’t love myself enough to develop healthy eating practices. The idea of healthy change is appealing, but the follow-through is often non-existent or short-lived.

I’ve learned that part of the problem is that the word “lose” connotes deprivation and lack. (Woe is me; I’ll never get to have ice cream ever again.) Like so many of the issues of our human incarnation, the solution is a spiritual one, often involving inner, emotional work. In the above quote, Anne Lamott is joking about firing her therapist and goes on to state that over time this therapist “helped lead me back home to myself, to radical self-care, to friendship with my own heart and body…. I hate to say it, but only profound self-love will work…only kindness and grace.”

Kristen Neff, in Fierce Self-Compassion, encourages women to practice self-compassion, to be kind to ourselves, care for and support ourselves even if we fail. She cites Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

In The Science of Mind, Ernest Holmes affirms, “I am determined to use my mind consciously and constructively to improve my health and my conditions… I shall dwell only on “what is true, what is worthy, what is right, what is pure, what is amiable, what is kindly, on everything that is excellent or praiseworthy. I believe these attitudes of mind, when persisted in, will bring to me greater peace, happiness and health…”

For me spiritual growth has involved confronting Truth and identifying my doubt and lack of faith. For example, do I really believe it is done unto me as I believe? I know faith can be increased. How do I ‘use my mind consciously and constructively to improve my health and my conditions’? Having daily practices are beneficial to my having and maintaining a positive attitude. These are some resources I can access on a regular basis:

  •  Daily morning practice at 8:30 am, accessed by our second Zoom link in the newsletter.
  • Meditation and Affirmative prayer
  • Reading the Daily Guides in the Science of Mind magazine, Guide for Spiritual Living.
  • CSL Daily Affirmation Mobile App. This is a new daily affirmation app for IOS and Android, available through the Apple store and Google Play store. It is a replacement for Facebook daily affirmations.
  • Attending CSLT services
  • Taking classes and book studies offered through CSLT.

I seek to experience that profound self-love that enhances my spiritual growth.

–Linda Bullock

Gifts

A few years ago, my sister started including books from Dynamic Catholic with my Christmas goodies. (I haven’t asked, but I imagine she gets them from her deacon husband.) The first time I got one I hadn’t looked in the bag until I got home. When I found the book, I rolled my eyes and tossed it aside. I had no interest in Do Something For God, Essential Teachings of Mother Teresa: 365 Daily Reflections. I thought it would be a good regifting for one of my Catholic friends in Florida who I still needed a Christmas gift for. But as I was packaging it to mail off, an idea hit me. If I got another copy for myself, my friend and I could go through the book together and share our thoughts on the readings with each other. So, I did and we did. We communicated more that year than we had in a long time. It turned out to be a great gift after all! The gift was not the book, but the deepening of a friendship.

Last year I got I Heard God Laugh. I loved the title, but it was another Dynamic Catholic book. I tossed it aside once more as I had other spiritual books I was more interested in reading. Recently I ran across the book again, so began to peruse it. I don’t agree with all of it, but the book does have some really good passages and concepts not dissimilar from our teachings: Embrace your best, truest, highest self; Make prayer a daily practice; Find a joy independent of external realities; etc. I went through the book highlighting passages that resonated with me. I intend to bring it with me next time we have lunch and share it with my sister. Again, the gift was not the book, but the conversation it will bring about.

I used to criticize my mother who would find fault with my presents to her before thanking me for them. I realized I was doing the same with these books from my sister. I did not verbalize my dissatisfaction as my mother had, but it was there. But now reflecting upon the real gifts these books have given me, I graciously accept this year’s edition. It will be interesting to discover the true gift Mother Teresa; In My Own Words has in store for me.

Did you receive a present this holiday season you’re not thrilled with? My stepmother taught me that once a gift is given it is yours to do with as you please. You have no obligation to the presenter to keep it if you don’t like it. You could regift, donate or toss it out. Just don’t do so angrily or with dissatisfaction, but with appreciation for the person who thought enough of you to give you a present. And, before disposing of it, see if you can find the real value in it first.

–Janet Salese

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