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Disappointment by Linda Bullock

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

I am among those who were disappointed in the results of our recent national election. The outcome was a surprise, and I experienced sadness, anger, anxiety and frustration. My reaction was sincere, yet I know not to live in despair for too long. We are to keep moving, attend to self-care and get back to center, where we are guarded and guided by the Living Spirit.

According to Brene Brown, disappointment is unmet expectations. The more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment. Our expectations are often set on outcomes totally beyond our control. We come away from experiencing disappointment feeling bad. Our negativity is tinged with astonishment and surprise, and, at the same time we’re trying to think positively and urging ourselves to move on. It’s exhausting.

She cautions that there are too many people in the world today who decide to live disappointed rather than risk feeling disappointment. This can take the shape of numbing, foreboding joy, being cynical or critical, or just never really fully engaging. (Atlas of the Heart, pages 43-44 and 50)

Disappointment happens to all of us. Some writings on the subject stress the opportunity for growth and change. It takes courage to address our disappointments by facing reality and finding out about ourselves, rather than experiencing it as a wound that makes us retreat from future relationships and situations.

In his book Consolations, the poet David Whyte declares “To be disappointed is to reappraise not only reality itself but our foundational relationship to the pattern of events places and people that surround us, and which, until we were properly disappointed, we had misinterpreted and misunderstood; disappointment is the first fruitful foundation of genuine heartbreak from which we risk ourselves in a marriage, in a work, in a friendship, or with life itself.” Ouch.

I have learned that I have often had unreasonable expectations of others, particularly if I haven’t expressed my expectations. No one can read my mind. Sometimes the risk of vulnerability keeps us from stating our expectations. Shifting a desire to a preferred rather than expected outcome can soften hurt feelings. Ultimately, I want to feel compassion for the other individual by listening to their perspective and assumptions. Lower expectations mean fewer disappointments.

When it comes to expectations in our spiritual practice, Ernest Holmes affirms that we can expect to receive the Good we desire. “The structure of our whole philosophy is based on two things: the Universe as Law and Order, and the Universe as a Divine Presence. The one with which or whom we may commune; the other that we may use. I believe God is the only Presence there is, infinite, intimate and personal to each one of us; present with each one of us, and in each one of us as what we are. Our word goes out as law. This is a glorious concept, for it teaches us that at any moment we may transcend the past no matter what happened…” (The Essential Ernest Holmes, pages 174- 175)

Wishing peace and blessings to all during the holiday season.

–Linda

REMOVING & MOVING – SPIRITUALLY Chris Wheeler

Lately, I’ve been experiencing episodes of paralyzing fear. This is not a place I want to dwell, as it is far too uncomfortable. Fear urges me to react in ways that are counterproductive to living a happy and peaceful life. In response, I’ve been turning to books, seeking the regeneration that comes from gaining perspective through the printed page.

This approach is working. Recently, I came across an insightful concept. I made some small edits, but the core message remains unchanged.

**The Law of Non-Resistance** Edited excerpts from “Working With The Law” by Raymond Holliwell.

Resistance fails because it is not in harmony with universal law and order. By practicing non-resistance, one can tap into the universal flow of energy, leading to a more harmonious and fulfilling life experience. Think flow like water, water has no agenda water simply moves according to the force acting upon it.

If we go through life fighting, opposing, resisting, and arguing, we are bound to encounter many obstacles and may become so occupied with battling them that we lose sight of our true objectives. If we constantly brace ourselves for opposition or trouble, we can expect plenty of it. In contrast, if we strive to minimize obstacles and keep our minds focused on our goals, we may have to navigate winding paths, but perseverance will ultimately lead us to success.

When a person resists a situation, it clings to them. If they try to run away, it follows like a shadow, repeatedly reappearing. However, if they ignore the difficulty and fearlessly work around it, they will eventually find that the condition has been absorbed and removed.

Accept the condition as evidence of some good. Seek out that good, and by being open to it, more evidence of good will appear. We attract what we expect. Definite statements produce definite results. Add in some positive expectancy and we are off to a good start.

Remove and dissolve every obstacle by blessing it and being willing to understand it. Transform it from a stumbling block into a steppingstone toward your highest good.

–Chris Wheeler

Welcoming and Embracing Change within the CSLT Community by Rev. Rhoni Tretsven

“Behold, I make all things new.” There is nothing permanent but change and the infinite intelligence can never be caught in anything It does. (How to Use the Science of Mind, 1948)

As Dr. Holmes points out, change will always occur whether we are ready or not, it will always be a constant in human existence. In the next 6 weeks CSLT will be stepping into an experience of being a different spiritual community. After 20 plus years of being renters and wandering like nomads through the desert of temporary homes, we will be putting down roots at 3617 Camino Blanco, Tucson. We, unlike Moses, will cross over into the promised land near the cross streets of River and Craycroft. We did it everyone and thank you all for supporting this move into a very bright and growing future.

In January of this year, I was chosen as your Spiritual Leader, and I was, and I still am excited to lead us all on not just a spiritual journey but one that will have a foundation. A foundation is important to build upon, it’s not just about the potlucks, holidays, special groups, plus other experiences as a community. It is about being a “family.” It isn’t just about Sunday’s either, it’s about every day. In Religious Science Aka Science of Mind, “We believe in the unity of all life, and that the highest god and the innermost God is one God. We believe that God is personal to all who feel this indwelling presence.” Part of our foundation as a spiritual family is knowing that wherever we are God is. What I hope will emerge as we gather in our new home is we will see new ways and opportunities of gathering, as in forming groups of common interest. We will have time to have special events and celebrate the holidays. There is so much more, but I know it is all Divine time.

As the week of December 16 gets closer, we will be packing and organizing our education office as we start our journey North. As I reflect on the last 11 months with all of you, my heart is filled with gratitude and great love. Who knew (except God) we would have this opportunity to expand in love as a spiritual community. I am truly grateful for the conversations Dr. Jonathan Zenz and William Summers, and I have had these last 6 mos. What has impacted me the most is the outpouring of love from the Unity community to assist us in creating this opportunity. I must be honest, Unity has “bent over backward” and done a few flips in the air to welcome us. Dr. Jonathan and I are very secure that our two communities will remain individual but come together for special occasions or work together for the common good of the property. As I see it, we are, two wings, one bird coming together as metaphysical/new thought communities. We will certainly be a beacon of light on a hill here in Tucson. If you have any questions, please reach out to me, I will be glad to talk with you. Please know, I love you all so very much and thank you for being the Possibilitarians you truly are, creating this and so much more.

~Namaste, Rev. Rhoni

And Now . . . . by Sharon Whealy, RScP

As I write this it is days before our national election. When this is published it will be the day after, and we will be awaiting the results. Whoever wins the election, according to polls, half the country will be disappointed with the outcome. I have been doing CSL’s 100 days of peace for our national election based on Prentis Hemphill’s book, What it Takes to Heal; How Transforming Ourselves Can Change the World. Hemphill presents ten “principles of embodiment” that are the inspiration for the daily prompts. From 100 Days, below are some of the thoughts and prayers:

1. Vision “We have a vision that’s deep, steep, and deeply rooted in possibility and potential so that whatever happens with our national election, we come to a deep understanding that we are spiritual beings having a human incarnation, meaning that we are resilient. We are resourceful and whatever happens, we’re going to build a kind, just, loving society, compelled by right action.” Day 1, Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith, Agape

2. Heal “We heal ourselves through mindfulness, intention, and a commitment to change. We can heal ourselves, our communities, and our nation, but we must first truly want to be healed. Healing takes courage. Sometimes we have to dig deep down in our hearts to find the courage to heal.” Day 52. Shahrazad Taylor, SLC-Atlanta, GA

3. Feeling and the Body “Any reflection on your feelings is a moment you can turn into gratitude. Thank rage for reminding that your feeling for justice runs deep. Thank happiness for showing how much you really like the situation you’re in. Thank anxiety for reminding you of your own tenderness and vulnerability… Ultimately, any feeling we have shows us we care and or what we care about today.” Day 43. Jericho Brown, poet.

4. Remapping Relationships (Rewiring) “The practice of rewiring is about shifting our attention. Every time we notice that which is rising up, that old story, that belief system, that judgement, that fear, we say no, and we choose to look at something else; to turn our mind to prayer, to turn to a higher idea, to turn to love, to turn to compassion. We are engaging in a practice of stopping and redirecting our thinking.” Day 44 Rev. Elisha Christopher, CSL Santa Cruz

5. Engage with the World “Breathe in peace, knowing this moment is for you. This is the moment to stretch beyond what you thought was possible and do one more thing for justice, one small action beyond all imagining to bring about the world we dream of. …This is the moment you are called to take your action. The world is calling your name and all you have to do is breathe and answer the call.” Day 65. Rev. Karen Strauss, Unitarian Universalists 6. Expanding our We “in order to form a more perfect universal union, I choose to assist and secure the blessings of life, love, beauty, wisdom, power, joy, and liberty to the posterity of all. I hereby broaden my me to we with a firm acceptance of the protection and power of the divine intelligence within all humanity, and pledge my life to the sacred honor of expanding our we.” Day 66, Rev Dr. Jay Willick, New Though Spiritual Center

7. Things fall apart (Release) Release is our mental, spiritual and emotional exhale. …To actively let go of our attachment to all of those prior experiences, everything that has happened up until now to make some space to invite something different, to invite something new, to acknowledge that something new is possible. Can you make room in consciousness for something bigger, something more joyous and wonderful than you have previously imagined possible? Day 37. Bill Marcion, Spiritual Director @ New Thought Philadelphia

8. Change is a Process “As we move into this space of possibility in our country, as we move into a space of no longer holding on to what was and embracing what can be, that change is truly possible, let us calm our nervous system and trust and know that we are safe in the midst of this change, that even if we feel unsafe, we are here for one another as community, we are here to promote possibility.” Day 48. Rev. Darrell Jones, Soul Gym Focus Ministry

9. Courage “We, my friends, have the God given courage to move through this time because we care so deeply. We care so deeply about each other, our country, and about our shared humanity. …we can together, as a collective, hold the vision of peace in our lifetime. We are made for this love. Let our loving courage lead the way.” Day 99. Shannon O’Hurley, Community Spiritual Leader, New Thought Center, Oswego, OR.

10. Love at the Center “For as long as it takes, look past others’ personality and differences and call upon ourselves to love the divine soul within them. Each of us has come to this planet to expand our consciousness of love. Ad we have the perfect opportunity to do that right now; maybe now more than ever, to practice this higher expression until it simply becomes who we are.” Day 80. Jim Blake, CEO Unity Headquarters.

— Sharon Whealy, RScP

Thinking and Singing about Love by Maria

The end of my term on the board is up this week. Wow, how far we’ve come and knowing the best is yet to be.

My last article is going to be a love play list. Thoughts and songs that get me “in the mood” for Love (that’s capital Love.)

Love dissolves all fear, casts out all doubt and sets the captives free.

Love, like the River of Life flows through me and refreshes me with its eternal blessings.

Love cannot be afraid; it is fearless and strong, and is mighty in its works.

It can accomplish all things through the Inner Light of faith in the All Good,

Which fills my very Being with a Powerful Presence.

Ernest Holmes, The Science of Mind 522

One of the great designs of life is that humans can only think one thought at a time. It is possible to quickly switch back and forth between thoughts, but only one thought can happen at a time. Whenever I am sliding into fear and doubt, I can sing myself back to love. Another great design! sound/music (mechanical waves created when “chunks of matter” vibrate) and hearing (which is too complicated to describe between parenthesis).

This is a love song I can imagine God playfully singing to me.

Do you want to know a Secret 

You’ll never know how much I really love you
You’ll never know how much I really care

Listen
Do you want to know a secret?
Do you promise not to tell?
Whoa, oh, oh

Closer
Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I’m in love with you
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ooh…

The Beatles were so New Thought.

The second song is like the first part of a Spiritual Mind Treatment, with a gospel beginning which raises my joy. I Walk in the Love Of God by Rickie Byars.

There is a Power, a Presence, One Life of all

and no other power can exist outside of the Infinite

One Love, (there can only be) God’s Love

Oh yes I know that I walk in the Love of God.

 The last song is my present theme song. It was written by John Denver and never released on an album. It’s called Wandering Soul.

Suddenly the mystery is clear
That Love is only Letting Go Of Fear

Love is the answer, love is the way
Love is in knowing just what to do and what to say
Love is the reason, love is the why
Love is in heaven right here on Earth and peace inside

Inside my heart, deep in my soul
Within each part and in the whole

Love is the answer, love is the way
Love is in knowing just what to do and what to say
Love is the reason, love is the why
Love is in heaven right here on Earth and peace inside

–In love and light, Maria

CSLT Considers Moving….

CSLT has been presented with a most intriguing possibility… of moving to a combined location offering many of the activities we don’t have now and would like to.

Currently Sunday Service is at Live Theater Workshop – which has been a most accommodating landlord for us since June 2022.

But as we grow, our requirements and our dreams mean we need a space that offers CSLT and our larger community options for …

Sanctuary space and office in one location A more central location..

More people attending & participating

Social and fellowship whenever we gather (Potlucks!)

Special events and holiday observance on other than Sundays

On-site storage with less set-up and take away for

Altared States

Our musicians

Greeters and the welcome area, bookstore, etc.

Seating without stairs for easier access

Better technology allowing us to share online easier & better

Now we have the possibility of achieving these and more:

Rev. Rhoni, our Practitioners, the Board and Michael Zimmerman as Music Director have been in conversation with Rev. Dr. Jonathan and the Board at Unity regarding CSLT using their Sanctuary on Sunday and having a separate office and storage space on the 18-acre campus located at River & Camino Blanco.

CSLT renting space there would include a one address home with:

Sanctuary for service at 11 a.m. Sunday morning

Harmony hall for social and fellowship

An office & space separate from the Unity building.

Our musicians could plug-in and play

Technology that truly supports our needs Seating for 175 on one level (no stairs and a center aisle)

Potlucks and other socials in Harmony Hall next to the Sanctuary

Special events not restricted to Sunday morning: Endings/Beginnings, etc.

Classrooms with built-in technology

The labyrinth

A more central location

Storage near that would facilitate Altared States set-ups much more easily

Space nearby that would hold and display CSLT materials

There would be a new sign at the Camino Blanco entry with equal space for both communities.

Moving our Service to 11 a.m. is a large request of our community. Unity would be moving their Service earlier to 9:00 or 9:30 to provide that time for us. It will allow for a 30-minute break for shared fellowship and our Meditation.

To accomplish this major change we would need to sell the office space at 911 S Craycroft. Being released from our current mortgage and the monthly payment to LTW would essentially leave our monthly expenses unchanged but with a much larger center for our community.

Rev. Rhoni and the Board will have Q&A time available after Service at LTW on Sundays 10/20, 10/27 & 11/3. A special Zoom Room will be made available for those unable to attend at LTW. If you are unable to attend those sessions, please email your questions to Rev. Rhoni at revrhonitretsven@gmail.com Be sure to include your best contact information.

We would have a true Sanctuary with space to grow and celebrate all the aspects of being a community. We have grown over the last few months, this location and all it offers could provide the full-on facilities and options we need to thrive.

This possibility was discussed at length during CSLT’s Annual Meeting. It was received very positively by the members in attendance with one dissenting. We look forward to enlarging this conversation to the entire community.

On 10/20/24 there will be a combined meeting of the CSLT leadership and Unity’s Board. Rev. Jonathan received a large supporting response when he described the possibility at their Service on 10/13.

If we proceed with this there will be a special meeting on 11/10/24 to vote on the approval to sell the 911 S Craycroft space. As always, only Members will have true votes, though all will have a chance to share their opinion.

Rev. Rhoni and the Board look forward to hearing from our members and larger community in respect to this possibility.

Compassion Practice by Sharon Whealy RScP

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“Only in an open, nonjudgemental space can we acknowledge what we are feeling. Only in an open space where we’re not all caught up in our own version of reality can we see and hear and feel who others really are, which allows us to be with them and communicate with them properly.” Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart p. 97

I began a twenty-one-day Interfaith Compassion Challenge through ServiceSpace.com on September 8th. There are people from over 50 countries participating and almost 200 people post their thoughts on the daily prompts. Each day there are readings for the head, a practice for the heart, and more resources for the hands that “challenge” us to experience compassion through various religious views. Below are the first ten days of of the challenge:

• Baha’i – our first day and I was moved by the song “See Me Beautiful” by Red Grammer – having compassion for others begins with having compassion for myself.

• Indigenous Traditions – this was primarily centered around North/South American traditions. The parable of the Eagle (male energy) and the Condor (female) reminds us that balance is required in our compassion practice

• Jain – our grounding parable was the 6 blind men and the elephant, each “seeing” the elephant according to their perspective. We have compassion when we recognize everyone has a unique perspective.

• Judaism – finding the sparks of infinite light in everyone. A beautiful reminder that everyone is a divine spark of God and when we see that spark in another we find our compassion for them and lift us both.

• Taoism – Wu Wei or effortless action. This practice was about allowing and being in the flow; where doing nothing is getting out of the way and allowing the all that is to do the heavy lifting.

• Hinduism – seeing God in everyone. The practice was to share what we have selflessly, knowing that as we give to another, we are giving to God/Brahman.

• Quaker – the practice of Holy Silence. This compassion practice was all about being still and listening for divine inspiration.

• Sikhism – Seva, or selfless service. The Sikhs spiritual foundations are 1) Remembrance of God 2) Mindful Living, and 3) Share with others. When we live by these values, compassion naturally flows.

• Christianity – Loving your enemies. One reading offered the idea that we need “enemies” to practice loving those unlike ourselves. Another reading moved beyond this, saying finding a middle ground and releasing dichotomies of us/them, neighbors/enemies is the true practice of compassion.

• Atheism – Self-Directed compassion. Having compassion for another just because it is the good and human thing to do. The practice was to make someone happy today.

I have been enjoying viewing compassion through different lenses and practicing being a gentler, more compassionate person as I move in the world. It has been interesting to see what has bubbled up over the past ten days, and I look forward to the next eleven as we complete our challenge.

For more information about Service Space

To watch the See Me Beautiful Song

-Sharon Whealy, RScP

Here – Now! Maybe… By Mariann Moery

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Or as Raymond Charles Barker expressed it: “Yesterday ended last night.”

How much of our time is spent reviewing, reliving past experiences that brought little joy in their first experiencing and only grow more embedded as we mentally repeat it thereby strengthening it and the emotional cost to ourselves. I have been known to do this.

This summer I spent several weeks reading a book by Jack Kornfield : No Time Like the Present. Filled with exercises and understanding as he says on page 65:

When you are here, you see with greater clarity and respond with genuine love. There comes a growing capacity to accept and embrace what is here now with a courageous heart.

Being here – now, has become almost a throwaway line since Ram Dass created a rather amazing book with that title. It is a practice so simply stated and so very difficult to maintain for more than… well… nanoseconds for me. It’s not like I always mislike where I am or what I’m doing, it’s just that brain/ego/id – call it what you will – it likes to mess with us.

Yep, most of the time that whole struggle to be here – now, is a true power struggle and I need all the help I can enlist. Because just as I create the absent state of being, just so it is up to me to create the state of being present.

“You must live fully in the now to make your dreams come true… Frances Scovel Shinn

The only time in which I may create or experience my new design for living is now. …, there is only the fact that I may have barred from my experience of today much of the good it can hold. The past has no hold on me other than that which I permit it to have. I have to learn to live today, as this is the only time I will ever know. Ernest Holmes: A New Design for Living, p 133

When it works, it’s a fabulous sense of YES!. Knowing that I can recognize where and who I am and that gives me the power to disentangle myself from the wayward emotions that misdirect so much of my time. It is our default tendency to “emote” life rather than live it . Here it comes again – Live it Here and Now.

I’m learning for me that truly seeing and ‘accepting’ what is now, does not mean acquiescing to a state. It can and should mean being here without attaching so that I can see my next best steps in this present to build a better future.

And sometimes it works.

-In Peace, Mariann

The Leaves of Change By Rev. Rhoni Tretsven

I recently had the opportunity to enjoy a weekend off, so Charles and I elected to go camping along the Delores River in Cortez, Colorado. A beautiful spot, Priest Gulch, where you can pitch a tent or an RV by the flowing water’s edge literally. Our motivation was to be witnesses to the leaves changing on the aspen trees, littered along the highways and the river. I, being the “morning person” greeted the brisk air, with a cup of camping coffee, and a blanket placed by the river’s edge for my morning spiritual practice, meditation. I settled in and allowed my body to breathe in the beauty and breathe out and let go all “baggage” of my previous week. After 20 minutes, I opened my eyes. I was met with bursts of golden yellow and red-brown hues of the leaves adorning each aspen tree. Nature all dressed up basking in the glow of the morning sun, as it slowly began to rise, taking its place in the sky.

What stood out for me in that moment was how easy it was for a tree to shift from being green, to a kaleidoscope of color. A simple aspen tree stands upright with green leaves most of the year, then it slowly begins to shift into yellow, red, and then brown foliage. Eventually, it will drop all its adornments and remain quiet through the winter months. Then, spring will awaken this sleeping vessel, and green leaves will again be part of its growing process. As I pondered this evolution, I questioned, “Why is it humans have such a difficult time, shifting or embracing change?” “Why do we resist, when we could easily go with the flow?” The trees obviously have no resistance to it, in fact, they accept it as it is what they do, change! For me it is always an opportunity to spiritually grow. The water nourishing my growth is those uncomfortable events I run into from time to time. But I have learned on my spiritual journey that is what they are there for, to be uncomfortable so I will grow and appreciate what I am waking up to, like the colour of the trees. A new perception and perspective having gratitude for it all.

One of the many things I enjoy about ministry is digging a little deeper when nature poses the question for me. As a metaphysician I have found what often creates curiosity, opens the heart and mind to an even greater connection with Spirit. So, what is it about trees so easily changing, or as I said, shifting effortlessly, a simple metamorphosis as it is? What I came up with was this; Trees have a profound symbolism within our human culture. They represent the many “branches” of our lives and represent wholeness in the human universe. Their branches in a continual flowing sun salutation while remaining forever grounded in the Earth Mother representing balance between the material (earth) and the spiritual (sky). In our witnessing the evolution of leaves changing colour, we are invited to the awareness of a rebirth for each season, proof that the Spirit continues to live and breathe and have its beingness, in and through all things. Trees to some are connection. We often use figurative language describing our “roots” and branches in family ancestry that although appear separate, we are still all part 2 of the One. Spiritually, trees represent both eternal life and Divine energy. Standing tall or small they are limitless even though they appear limited being in one place, they self-perpetuate. They come from a seed, and in their lifetime another seed will emerge from that same tree and be blown in the wind, only to land in the soft terra firma to begin again. It is within this process we understand the Divine energy of our ancestors. Often as travelers entrusting safety and health to a tree spirit/guardian to guide their way as they walked forward into the unknown territory of both mind and matter.

The trees that beautiful morning gave me a gift. They were a demonstration of placing my trust in the Spirit and allowing my life to unfold as it will. I accept I will always be invited to be the observer or participant as change happens naturally. However, I understand as I have a choice; I can remain rooted right where I am, or I can go with the flow and allow the breeze of life to carry me to my next greater yet to be. Infinite possibilities? I believe so, and so it is…

-Namaste, Rev, Rhoni Tretsven

Spiritual Bypass by Linda Bullock

“The extent to which I need to present myself as being just fine in all circumstances is the extent to which I am going to experience much more anxiety. Fear expressed allows relief.” Anne Lamott

The term “spiritual bypassing” was coined by the Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist John Wellwood. He describes the concept as “trying to rise above the raw and messy side of our humanness before we have fully faced and made peace with it….a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”

According to Melissa Noel Renzi, “We all have parts of ourselves we’d rather not look at, so we deny or push them aside. When we bury these aspects in the subconscious rather than resolve and integrate them, they often take on dysfunctional roles and behaviors that prevent healing and cause harm to ourselves and relationships.“ I have heard the phrase ‘you have to feel it to heal it.’ This concept applies and overlaps somewhat with the Shadow.

Jeff Foster writes, “Feel the grief, the anger, the terror that’s lurking inside. Feel it and process it and validate it and give it expression in a healthy way….We can’t skip to en-lightenment without en-lightening ALL our parts….I used to believe enlightenment was a transcendent state, free from sadness, free from anger, free from doubt. That was my spiritual ego, the part of me that wanted to be special, that wanted to escape, that wanted to be superior and safe.”

I was around New Thought for years with reluctance and half-hearted practice of the teachings. I eventually became aware of unresolved feelings of shame and guilt, held over from my religious beliefs from childhood of a punishing God. I lacked the feeling of worthiness necessary to accept the Good. Action was necessary to shift my perspective; I had to feel the grief and the anger in order to forgive myself.

I heard a psychologist who wrote a book of affirmations state that if we haven’t done our internal work and lack self-esteem our ‘affirmations can be like putting icing on a rotten cake.’ This calls to mind the comments we sometimes make to people who have lost a loved one. Comments such as ‘they’re in a better place’ reflect that we get uncomfortable when others are experiencing grief and want to make a quick statement that sounds spiritually wise and move away from the presence of pain and loss. This can also be described as toxic positivity.

Methods to avoid spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity include meditation which helps us become more aware of our thoughts, emotions, and patterns of behavior. We are encouraged to develop the skill of compassionate self-reflection as the first step in initiating real change. We all have blind spots that we cannot see. Relationships offer us a good opportunity to observe how our behaviors affect others and to pay attention to feedback. We can work on extending empathy to others.

According to Parker J. Palmer, “The question, ‘what’s life trying to teach me about myself and my world?’ has helped me find meaning amid the madness and tragedy that sometimes engulf our personal, professional, or political lives.”

–Linda Bullock

 

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