Having New Eyes

Can a rebirth that comes from spiritual adversity and dis-ease cause us to become new creatures, and create a more conscious platform from which we can go forward in these difficult and unpredictable times? I think it can. I think this most unusual time may be the only thing that does move us out of our complacency into new awareness.

That, for me, is the question of the hour. How can I grow from this experience? I see it as an opportunity to increase my spiritual life and open my heart to ask the God of my understanding, how can I be of service this day? What is mine to do in order to make my own life, as well as those I love, a richer more meaningful experience, in spite of the current restrictions we all are living with?

I never dreamed I would be grateful for the Internet! It is the main way, through the tools of Zoom, Skype, FaceTime, emails and text that I can keep My connections with my beloved family, friends and Spiritual Community.

❤ One of the joys for me personally of using the Internet is that I get to do the Twelve Steps to the Compassionate Life bookstudy online with Keith and several others on Zoom. It is my second time in three years to do this class, and I can’t believe how intimate and close we have all become after just the first two weeks. I feel bonded as though we were actually together, using Gallery mode in Zoom, I can see everyone at once. What an unexpected
delight!

I am blessed in that I do not live alone, but have my daughter living with me. My heart goes out to those that live alone.

So, keep your eyes, ears and heart open to all the good possibilities that lie ahead, and as they say in AA, “ This too shall pass.”

 

–Namaste, Janie Hooper

The Long Haul

There’s so much I want to say, so I’ll see if I can get the words to come out in any sensible order. Perhaps I should have entitled this post, The Heavy Lift. Both titles would apply equally. I’ll start with Dr Ernest Holmes, from The Science of Mind 51.1. “One of the great difficulties in this new order of thought is that we are likely to indulge in too much theory and too little practice. As a matter of fact, we only know as much as we can prove by actual demonstration.”

It is too easy to look at the abundance of upset and disarray that surround us in the world of form right now and look for someone to be at fault, or at least someone we can blame, or for us to feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed by something we, or people like us, have done in the past. Pointing fingers, damning, discrediting or demeaning someone, and looking for some statue to tear down, or somebody to fire or send to jail, doesn’t get to the root of the apparent issue, or lead to any sort of solution with lasting effect. Those actions do create a brief feeling of satisfaction; we did something and made some noise. Yay, us. These are not short-term blips that we can put a splint on (like a broken finger) so they can heal ‘enough’ and we can get back to business as usual. At least I hope they’re not.

The Stage Is Set
The Bighorn Fire (18+ days, started by lightning, 65,500+ acres burned (as of June 23 @ 3:51am), remarkably only 4 minor heat-related injuries). The Incident Management Teams (and the 900+ firefighters that have been involved in the response so far) have masterfully handled the Bighorn fire. The smoke that hangs over much of southeast Arizona like a shroud, and the fires that light up the night (in a bad way), leave us all a little on edge and more than a little uneasy. This just adds to the general malaise and discomfort.

Covid-19. Our experience of the physical world has changed drastically in the last 3 months. Who would have guessed, besides some dystopian science (fiction) writers, that a novel virus would send all of us to our rooms for an indeterminate period of time? And that the very human desire to gather together, for companionship and comfort is the most dangerous thing we can do for the protection of our most vulnerable members of our society. And the feebleness of our food supply, and our health care system. And, and, and (I could go on)…

Political divisiveness, extremism (on all sides) and groundless ‘haterade’. I’m just going to leave this right here.

The Main Event
I’ve been listening to E.O. Wilson’s audiobook, The Meaning of Human Existence. He writes about the strong tribal need for belonging, and the primitive/primal need to have an other, so that we have some made-up reason to band together, separate ourselves and protect our group. He goes on to say that we create enemies to make ourselves feel stronger, and safer, as long as we are in the ‘in crowd’. The idea of us-versus-them is embedded in human consciousness, and of primary importance in default thinking, or the collective unconscious, or race tendency. A bias toward or against any particular ethnicity is not implied by that unfortunate word choice. These phrases represent a way to describe thoughts and beliefs that are commonly held by many/most people. They do not include only ‘bad’ thoughts or beliefs; they include all shared thoughts and beliefs. If we don’t intentionally choose a thought or belief, we choose default thinking, by default.

Remember Jane Elliott’s blue eyes-brown eyes exercise with her third grade class in 1968? (read more @ janeelliott.com) She wanted her students to see the embedded irrationality of people with one eye color being superior to people of another eye color. The kids bought into it hook, line and sinker. When they were the favored ones, they treated the other children badly. When they fell out of favor (for no apparent reason), the felt crushed by what seemed like the entire weight of the world on their backs, and the opposite group repeated the pattern of assumed superiority. There’s something very primitive about being favored and on top. It wasn’t until later, when they were discussing the exercise that they could begin to see that they had done anything irrational. On one level, it seems that tribalism is an innate human condition.

In Cynthia James’ ‘Conversations of the Heart’ call last Friday night that I spoke about last Sunday, one of the participants rather dejectedly asked, “Why would the people in power give up their superior position?” None of us had a good answer to her question. Why would they?

E.O. Wilson also wrote about the differences that had been observed by scientists in studying animal behavior between success of individuals within groups and the success of groups as wholes. Within a group, selfish individuals tend to do better than the remainder of the group, but between groups the groups with more altruistic individuals tend to do better than groups with lots of selfish individuals. This doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone who thinks about human dynamics either.

In game theory, there is a strategy called tit-for-tat. Essentially, if a player is provoked, they retaliate. If they are not provoked, they cooperate. In long-term games, those who cooperate have greater success. Earlier this month, I read a report (theconversation.com/nondiscrimination-against-lgbt-individuals-isnt-just-the-law-it- helps-organizations-succeed-140810) that gives me hope that altruistic (nondiscriminatory) behaviors can be seen as benefitting individuals as well as the whole.

The Goal, and One Possible Route
Futurist Buckminster Fuller wrote, “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” Some of us are just becoming aware of how biased existing systems have been, and are looking for new models that value everyone’s contribution, while dismantling the old systems one interaction at a time. It’s a slow process, an uncovering of old stories that are so old, and so buried, we don’t even know they are there.

We are starting down a path that could lead to a new world, one that works for everyone. We won’t succeed using the same rules and playing the same game. We won’t get there by discarding what presently exists, and disenfranchising participants in the process. We need a new model that makes the old model obsolete.

In the next three months, CSLT will be exploring this new territory. We start with a guest speaker on Sunday July 5th, Dr Karmen Smith speaking about how “Love Changes America”. I hope you’ll plan to attend our zoom service that Sunday. She is a powerful speaker.

Then we’ll move through a series of three quick book studies in July (David Richo’s Triggers (How We Can Stop Reacting and Start Healing)), August (Rosamund Stone Zander & Benjamin Zander’s The Art of Possibility, which is about the importance of relationship and connection, and how our small separate, calculating, selves inhibit our progress and get in our way) and September (Barbara Marx Hubbard’s Emergence, The Shift from Ego to Essence (10 steps to the Universal Human)). [The book links will lead you to Amazon. However, if you log in to smile.amazon.com and choose “Center for Spiritual Living Location: Tucson, AZ”, our Center will receive donations, which will be greatly appreciated]

The path of the Universal Human may be a new model that moves us in the direction we long for and desire.

Ernest Holmes wrote in 365 Science of Mind 186.1, “We are made perfect when we enter into the communion of love with one another and with the invisible essence of Life. Love is the fulfillment of the Law, that is, we do not make the highest use of the Law unless that use is motivated by Love, by a sincere desire to express unity, harmony, and peace.”

Join me in envisioning and embodying this new world, the world that works for everyone.

–Rev Janis

Best of Times!?!?!

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,
it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness,
it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” — Charles Dickens

I’m sure you recognize the famous introduction to Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. I think I’m still working on “the best of times part”. My intention for this essay was to discover “the best of times” amid the confusion and contradictory happenings that make up today’s news.

But I couldn’t find an organized, literate place to start sharing from. So, here’s what I’m contemplating with the knowing that if I go quiet and into the stillness something good will be enabled. And, asking for help from the ones who have gone before me into the fray is one way to find help — if I let it.

“Beware the stories you read or tell; subtly, at night, beneath the waters of consciousness, they are altering your world.” — Ben Okra

This quote – beware the stories you read or tell – most importantly the stories I tell myself – because those personal stories are the ones that shape & mold the choices I make. It is the time I spend in my own head that needs most careful tending and observation. Just because it sounds cool when I skim it – doesn’t mean it is good. Or “god” as I first typed it.

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose,
and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” — Aristotle

Yet it is one of the tasks at hand: to respond with care to our world, which feels totally off plumb. Someone must be to blame. Pick a topic, an event and it is so very easy to get crazy upset. And absolutely nothing is gained through unfocused sound and fury. Nothing is right until we see the “best of times” which are the perfection that is the heart and S/spirit of our universe and our teaching. As we are taught and reminded repeatedly – this life is perfect – we need to know it and accept to get there, but how, where, who, what?

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy
not on fighting the old but on building the new.” — Socrates

Or more directly, if somewhat less poetically:

“Start where you are.
Use what you have.
Do what you can.” — Arthur Ashe

My goal now is to choose a place, a way, a focus and do what I can in the best way I understand that will help free the perfect within.

Some Me of Beauty ― Carolyn Rodgers
“I took a good long look at myself in a full length mirror
Sometimes it’s good to look in a full length mirror
And what I saw was not some soul sister poetess of the moment
But I saw just a woman
Just a woman feeling
Just a woman human
And what I felt was
What I felt was a spiritual revelation
And what I felt was a root revival of some love coming on
Coming on strong
And I knew then, looking in a full length mirror,
That many things were over
And some me of beauty was about to begin”

–May our beauty grow and flourish. Peace to you and yours, Mariann

Church Open, Building Closed

Last Tuesday, a reporter from the Arizona Daily Star sent an urgent e-mail request for an update on open/closed status of churches. Apparently they were queuing up to do a special report in Sunday’s paper. Since I wrote a piece for the Sunday “Keeping the Faith” section, which they published on April 19th, we got on their list of churches in Tucson. That’s very cool. When I got to the question about when the church/center was opening, I replied that our ‘church’ had never closed, just the building has closed. I firmly believe that.

Yes, we gather virtually on zoom. Presently, we gather for Sundays, for Wednesday night classes and for our daily morning practice. We’ve gotten better at the mechanics of doing Sunday services. We’re even up on YouTube with our own channel; other people have checked out our community and what we believe. Our stage band has been cranking out some amazing music. Most centers and churches default to canned music (YouTube videos and the like), because live music on zoom is just too hard. Our guys figured out how to do it. Leona Freeman even joined them, virtually, to sing the song she wrote, ‘Welcome to This Place’, which we have used for our opening song for the whole month of May. An old friend, Rev Lynne Heygster, guest spoke two Sundays ago from her living room in Justin Texas and in a couple weeks (June 14th) we are having a special musical guest, Bob Sima, from his home in Florida. The Music Team has wanted to bring Bob to town for years; it has not been possible, until now.

Our online meditation seminar has two participants in eastern Canada and one from Eloy AZ; we’ve had two guest facilitators, one from Las Vegas and one just left Tucson, and presently en route to Kentucky. The Prosperity Plus III mastermind group gathers twice a month. Keith Gorley’s men’s group meets virtually twice a month, and Keith starts a book study of Karen Armstrong’s 12 Steps to a Compassionate Life in less than two weeks. If you’ve never read this book, and can get a copy of it electronically, it will change your point of view about what it means to live compassionately. The Daily Practice group has been meeting steadily since the last week in March, every day except Sundays; attendance is growing. Additionally, there’s a survey further down in this newsletter soliciting interest in online classes over the summer. If you are curious, and potentially interested in participating in an upcoming class, please check out the very short survey and state your preferences.

No, it’s not the same as in person. It can’t be. We won’t be going back to the old model any time soon. The people who live far away are thrilled to hear that; that means they get to participate. There are those who, quite rightly, say that we are doing a better job of serving our community because we are more accessible to more people.

Your Board of Trustees met virtually this past week. We talked about what it would take for us to meet in person at the office next month. Given the constraints on meeting (10 people or less), we could theoretically meet in person, maintain safe distance (6′ between chairs), meet with facemasks on, & have the air handlers on high. The office would need to be wiped down, but it could be done. We could even have two guests at our board meeting, they would have to sit in an adjacent room, but they could still see and hear the discussion.

Last week the Board talked about how we identify congregants with some skill and interest in computers and videographic equipment, who also have time and interest in helping us get us set up for live-streaming when the time (finally) comes. Fortunately, there are a number of resources within CSLs around the country with expertise that are delighted to share what they have learned with us. Interested?

Yes, our center is open. If you haven’t been participating, we invite you to join us.

–Rev Janis

Living in “Interesting Times”

There’s an old Chinese curse about living in interesting times. It’s pretty clear that we are. Fear bubbles just below the surface for a lot of people. Those who have lost loved ones, who no longer have a stable source of income, or who are afraid and cut off from the comfort of being with other human beings are suffering. May each of us remember to use this opportunity as a wake up call to our shared humanity, our shared vulnerability, and to nourish our compassion and strengthen our communities.

Personally, it has presented me with the opportunity to go inward more deeply every day (thanks to the tricks I learned in Into the Magic Shop), which fold in so beautifully with our Science of Mind principles and techniques, allowing me to access a deeper awareness of Oneness. Life and Wholeness. I also have been watching Deepak Chopra’s morning talks on Instagram, which help me remember how to stay sane in an out of balance world. These have helped me stay grounded and centered.

So, what can we do?

Turn off the television newsfeed, and just ‘be’. News doesn’t change that fast. Listen to the birds sing. Enjoy the sun and the fresh air. Go for walks and appreciate the beauty of nature. Find things to be grateful for and really enjoy them. Do affirmative prayer and meditate. Read our Center’s (and other Centers’) materials. Attend our Zoom services, or services of other Centers and churches that feed and uplift us spiritually. Expand our spiritual practices. Know that, as they say in AA, “ This too shall pass”.

Arizona DES (directorblog.azdhs.gov) recognizes that individuals with chronic illnesses are more susceptible to this virus and that it is even more important, if we are experiencing that condition, that we, and those who live with us, take preventative measures: stay home, take extra care with handwashing and prevent spread of potential contamination, keep up with our medications, keep good records of daily health monitoring and keep any scheduled doctor’s appointments. In addition, AZ DES recommends social distancing, engaging in an enjoyable hobby (scanning Facebook feeds is not an enjoyable hobby), being moderately physically active, practicing mindfulness and meditation, connecting with friends and family over the phone and video-chats. Reach out if you are experiencing persistent sadness, fear or feeling of hopelessness. If you feel like you have no one to comfortably call, please reach out to the AZ DES Mental Health Line 800 -985-5990.

AZ DES has also shown a drop in the number of new cases of the virus this past week for the first time since our awareness of the virus in Pima County was noticed (March 1) from 209 new cases to 94. Also that numbers of infected persons are higher in the 20-44 year age range (181) than they are in the 65- and-older age range (165). Us ‘seniors’ are doing a better job of keeping ourselves safe!

It’s time to re-imagine a new world, to envision sharing our common humanity, to vision how we can live in the deepest, most beautiful way possible. Coming through this difficult time, what we intend and nurture, we can certainly do.

“This is a time of mystery and uncertainty. Take a breath. The veils of separation are parting and the reality of interconnection is apparent to everyone on earth. We have needed this pause, perhaps even needed our isolation to see how much we need one another”

— Quote from Lion’s Roar

–Namaste, Janie Hooper

Update

Obviously, with the schools closed (by the order of the Governor of AZ) at least until the end of March and the restrictions on gathering (10 people or less, for now), we won’t be meeting in person on Sunday.

Watch for a Special Newsletter later this week with suggested online connection options with us and other CSLs around the country with online only services. Think of it as a virtually endless buffet of options!

If you wish to read what I thought I was going to write about this week, here it is.

These are crazy, and amazing times, and these may be the times that we have been have been called here for, or have chosen to incarnate on earth for, or however you wish to phrase it… These profound and special times may be why we are each, and all, are here, right now. I realize that statement could be perceived as totally egocentric and presumptuous on my part. Let me assure you, it is not. We are all represented by the ‘small man’ in the Hafiz-esque poem (right) when we forget our true nature; the ‘sage’ when we remember; we are always the beautiful rowdy prisoners. We hold the keys to our own prison, and we are the only ones who can free ourselves.

I made space and time to listen and watch Dr Edward and Dr Sharon host a CSL group spiritual practice last Friday morning. I felt deeply touched by the reminder that we all have the capacity to emanate the light of the divine presence, radiate the love of the One Heart, and flow like the river of peace that passes all understanding, because that peace is the peace that is unaffected by whatever happens to be happening around us, and in our minds when we just let them be taken over by the noise, fuss and bother of people who have forgotten who and what they are, divine beings walking around in human form.

This past Sunday, as we closed the service, we didn’t touch or hold hands like we usually do. A number of people attending were practicing social distancing, and we wanted to include them in our closing ritual without making them feel uncomfortable or left out.

Instead, I encouraged everyone to allow our individual radiant heart energies to expand, emanating from the core of our individuated beings and touching the other beings in the room, filling our 350-seat auditorium with love energy, and spilling out to the surrounding area. (This image from chapter 6 of The Science of the Heart by the Institute of HeartMath illustrates one possible representation of this experience and practice.) The heart is recognized as considerably more powerful than the mind; some say it is 1000 times more powerful. The good (scientifically-minded) folks at HeartMath have shown the heart’s electromagnetic torus capable of expanding considerable distances and positively impacting other beings. I believe this is what we do when we emanate and radiate Divine Love, caring and compassion.

In his address at the dedication of the Whittier Church in 1959, Dr Holmes said, We are a teaching order, not a preaching order. We are a practicing order, not a proselytizing order. The world has waited long for something to happen. Now the healing power of the unseen magic of the Spirit can be made evident. And so, as we move forward in these tumultuous times, knowing what we know, teaching what we teach, and practicing what we practice, we get to remember that we are the sage, the knower, and the doer who operates from love, wisdom and heart-power, remembering to honor, care for, and bless ourselves and everyone we meet.

–Best Blessings, Rev Janis

Welcoming a Change in Perspective

What I so appreciate about the Science of Mind is the surprising resolution to situations that occur in my life when I apply the principal that “All is happening for my good and the good of all involved.” When I stop looking at my life through the eyes of a victim, I find peace and love replacing fear and anxiety.

I write about this and it sounds easy to me but, recently, I have been clenching my teeth a lot and feeling the weight of the world as I have been dealing with a family member’s drinking plus familiar tax season stress.

I looked forward to writing this article as a means to reframe my recent experience. I regularly read 365 Science of Mind by Ernest Holmes. The daily meditations are lovely and bring me into a space of gratitude, regardless of any outside events. I often share them with my husband over the phone or across the table. My daily writing includes a listing of 5 things for which I am grateful. I also write a spiritual mind treatment daily. Often during the step of Unification, I sense the Divine expressing life through me, grokking It as living in me, as me and for me. The following Realization step states my daily intentions, often to complete pending tax returns and to return phone calls. So that I don’t lock myself into my controlling view of what needs to happen today, I often declare my intention as the more generic, “I joyfully accomplish today’s work with ease”. Putting it on a sticky-note by my computer reminds me to take a breath and reconnect.

Additional ways I stay connected:

  •  Exchange a daily intention with my prayer partner.
  •  Employ the services of Shelley Dunn, our licensed practitioner, to write a spiritual mind treatment for me. I have a lovely, handwritten treatment that I read regularly. $200 well spent on a discovery session resulting in a treatment tailored to my concerns.
  •  Mastermind group with Pat Masters and other Prosperity Plus III participants. Similar to the Power of 8 groups CSLT hosted, we meet to share and ask for fellow members to hold an intention for us until our next meeting. To hold an intention for another means, to me, that I read it daily, sending out my good thoughts, feelings and energy to the stated goals.

My regular practices help me feel good. It is important that I practice them with mindfulness. Otherwise, my practice can become just one more task in my busy day. I do this because I sometimes think my normal is about 15% below baseline. Dealing with the effects of my trauma-filled childhood is a daily process, and requires intention and attention.

The way I have re-framed the two opportunities is this –

Scheduled meetings with two people about expanding my business, bringing in more help. This would happen either as employees or perhaps a partnership.

An encounter with the police and my family member last week led to an eye-opening realization that this is a serious problem that needs to be dealt with now through Intensive Outpatient treatment and daily attendance at 12-step meetings. Both are happening.

With gratitude I realize that Science of Mind deals in actualities, not just simple, nebulous, affirmations chanted to myself in the mirror, although that sometimes works too. After writing this, I am more at peace, truly understanding, just for now, that all happens for my good.

— Marya Wheeler

Our Youth Program Begins!

January 5 was the official start of the CSLT Youth program. No youth attended service that day, so the 1st day sharing the Science of Mind with a youth was January 12. A young fellow spent time with Maria and Jay, two CSLT members, during the service and enjoyed himself. The time began with a short treatment, they discussed unity and the three spent time drawing their favorite animals, talking about how we’re all connected with everything including the animals, especially our favorite animals. The youth shared his experience with the congregation after the three returned to the service before the final song. Maria shared how we are all the same age on the inside and all have something to share with each other.

The process for me, of pulling this youth program together has been challenging because working with children has been such an unfamiliar experience for me. Even though I have three adult children (who made it to adulthood), my parenting style was more of the making sure they were fed, clothed and at soccer practice on time and less of the being present with them, or helping them to understand feelings and reassuring them that everything was going to be okay and each child was perfect, whole and complete just the way they are. Over the last 10 years and especially since my introduction to CSLT, I have talked to my kids about the emotional support they did not receive, but desired, and have found that I can supply that now. I feel that I’m a better parent to them now than I was in their youth.

Assembling the youth program has involved reviewing three weeks of the 52-week curriculum, which has 6 different lessons for Preschool-High School. The lessons are very long and involved and being able to follow them seemed overwhelming. Meeting with Pat Masters, we simplified the curriculum to a basic format of Spiritual Truth from the CSL curriculum, Readings from the CSL curriculum, asking a question and discussion followed by a Craft and Closing Prayer. The Volunteer teachers can use the supplied curriculum and suggested readings (we have them all) to prepare for the class. The curriculum provides a thorough discussion of a topic with a summary so we can talk about a topic easily with the kids.

It turns out that I am having fun putting together the lessons and preparing the crafts. We will be making turtle symbols on river rocks, dusting our auras with turkey vulture feathers and doing Tai Chi for Kids. And that is just the next few weeks! I look forward to spending time with the kids.

My initial thought was that I would miss out on not being in the service but meeting with the children will be another way of nurturing myself. I wish that I had been exposed to SOM when I was young and since, as Maria said, we’re all the same age, I will be exposing that young person in Marya to Science of Mind in a new way. Teachers will receive a copy of the service at no charge so we can hear the Sunday talk & the fantastic music.

The young person returned to the service, with his two teachers, before the last song so all were present for the Closing Song & the after-service dance party. Please speak with me if you’re interested in getting involved.

–Marya Wheeler

What Do You Want in the New Year?

We have all heard a lot about the law of attraction and manifesting our dreams. It’s almost a mainstream idea these days. The Science of Mind philosophy has a very definite interpretation of this practice.

You may have tried to put some of the common principles and techniques into practice, and might have experienced some frustration and confusion about how to manifest the things you want to experience in your life. One of the most common frustrations I experience, when it comes to manifesting my dreams, is not being clear about exactly what I really want. That question requires some deep searching, and looking again, when I don’t have the experience I expect.

You probably have heard how important it is to focus your attention and intention on what you desire. Many people have trouble staying with one idea and end up sending themselves, and the Universe, mixed messages. Often, people believe they are engaged in asking for what they want, but they are actually complaining instead. For instance, “I want more money, because I am tired of being broke” or “I am going to find the person of my dreams as soon as I shed a few pounds”. Focusing on feeling broke, feeling overweight or not feeling loved or appreciated will not help you achieve your desires. Each of these complaints sets up crossed signals, making it very challenging to manifest what you really want to experience.

Noticing consciously that you may be mixing your messages is the first step in achieving your true desires. The Wednesday night classes coming up in January that Rev Janis will facilitate on the four basic spiritual practices of the Science of Mind may help you understand, and improve your use of, these spiritual practices.

In the meantime, identify one decision you can make in relation to this awareness and take action. Then pay attention to how your decision shows up in your life. When the ‘answer’ appears, and doesn’t look like what you thought you meant, take another look and reconsider any adjustment you might need to make to get clearer in your signaling.

Remember, the shortest way to a happy life is found through conscious choice, which every one of us has access to each and every moment of our lives.

–May the New Year Bless Us All,
Janie Hooper

Family Thanksgiving

I feel connected and complete. Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I spent time with my aunt and two cousins whom I have not seen in over 40 years. And I saw my brother and sister. The occasion was attending the memorial for my uncle who transitioned in September. Uncle Proctor and Aunt Patsy lived in Wilmington, Ohio. This is roughly one hour north of Cincinnati which is on the border of Kentucky. The Cincinnati, CVG, airport is in Hebron, Kentucky.

Awakening at 1:30am on Thanksgiving morning to catch the 2:15am shuttle to Phoenix for the 6am flight was the start of my weekend adventure. When I made the reservations in October, I puzzled over the expensive airfare into CVG. I found cheaper flights on the Thursday before December 1, not realizing until two weeks later that it was Thanksgiving Day. The airports were not busy, and I had no problems with the flight, the car rental or the drive to the nursing home where I joined my cousins Sue and Nan, Aunt Patsy and Susan’s son, Matt, for a takeout Thanksgiving dinner. We ate in a small apartment that the nursing home provided for visiting family members. No microwave so the food was not hot, but it was yummy. I shared how my diet had changed after being vegan for 4½ years.

Sue, Nan and I shared primarily about our current life situations and what concerns we have regarding our adult children and aging mothers. Our mothers are both 88 and have dementia. Susan has been a widow for 17 years and is currently dealing with breast cancer which has metastasized to her bones although it is still breast cancer. She is on chemotherapy for two weeks and then off for one week. On the Wednesday before I traveled, I got my hair cut and my hairdresser gave me Shirley Temple ringlets. I was wearing my glasses on Thanksgiving and explained to everyone that this was not what I looked like. The next day when I wore my contacts and had fixed my hair and Susan spent time with me without her wig, we agreed that we were now our real selves.

Our mothers were best friends in high school. That is how my mom met my dad. Susan is 3 months older than me so they were pregnant at the same time with us. Aunt Patsy was especially close to my father, Jack. Their birth mother died when my dad was 6 and Aunt Patsy was 3. Sue and Nan gave us a set of old pictures which included pictures of our parents and Uncle Bill’s birth mother, Gertrude. She bares a striking resemblance to my older daughter, Nicole.

My brother, John flew in from Vermont on Saturday and within a short time we picked up our sister Maggie who flew in from Wisconsin. They both have children who are 12 and/or 13 and were relishing traveling solo. At dinner on Saturday night the cousins and Matt (sans Aunt Patsy) all shared about the relationships we had with our parents and about the times we remembered spending time together. My siblings and I shared about the pain we experienced as a result of our mother’s mental illness and her brutality. In the early 80’s our father came out to us as gay. His absence during our childhood had contributed to the sense of abandonment the three of us shared and dealt with us as adults. It was a bonding experience and I am grateful for it.

The next day was Sunday and the memorial. It was at Wilmington College, the Quaker college where my uncle taught Mathematics and MIS for many years. Music played and Sue, Matt and Nan shared about my uncle. He was one of five professors that were very good friends and whose families grew up together. Three children of these professors shared about growing up being a part of group and how welcome they had always felt at the Deans. People had come from out of town to attend the memorial including the adult children that shared. It was a lovely event. Aunt Patsy told Nan that she understood that the memorial was for Proctor and that she misses him. She told me that too and I agreed that I miss him and miss my father, Jack.

Spending time with Maggie and John was great fun. We shared a hotel room and lay in bed Saturday night laughing and talking about our children. We each have three and relate that to being one of three. Monday morning the adventure continued as I arose at 3:30am to travel back home to become immediately engulfed in my work life.

The surreal experience of re-establishing family ties comforted me at a basic level. I have texted with Matt and know that our connection will include more phone calls and visits. This feels especially important considering our aging parents and Susan’s illness. I appreciate the opportunity to process this through writing this newsletter article. Thank you, for allowing me to share this with you.

— Marya Wheeler

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