Curate Your Life

One of the big ideas that arose in last week’s ongoing Wild Mind class was this notion of  “Curate Your Life”.  It’s an interesting idea, one that alternately teases and encourages us to identify, decide on and choose the kind of life experience we desire.  If we are totally delighted with all aspects our lives as is, no change is required. If we’re not, and we wish to step into fuller self-expressions in any area of our lives, this idea requires us to recognize that we may have to change how we think about our lives, and how we choose to live.

This notion can be problematic if we are resistant to change, or we believe we don’t have the power to make a change and have it stick.  Most of us have a lot of evidence (and a lot of experience) about how hard it is to change habits.  Sometimes it seems easy to feel that we are powerless over our own life choices and life experiences.  This is not the truth of who we are, and may very well be our entire awareness, based on our past experiences.

How do we move from living from what-we-have-always-known into a different future?  Willingness to step into a different life experience, and to adjust or modify our thinking and actions accordingly, are just the first steps.  The next step is to persistently reapply and re-implement this new decision as many times as it takes, until it becomes the new habit.  Challenging? Yes.  Impossible? No.  Persistence is key, and not shaming, blaming, or guilting ourselves when we fail.  What would it take to just keep getting back up and moving ahead?  This shift of mindset is probably the most difficult, because we have all been acculturated into believing that we have to discipline, or punish, ourselves when we fail, or that we are stuck with what we know.  What if neither of those things are true?

An additional thought from Dr David: “I’ve rediscovered the valuable distinction between change and transformation. Change gives me the liberty to revert back to what I changed from, i.e. change my mind, change my habits, or change my job. Change leaves me a window of opportunity to return to the old thought, habit or action. Transformation does not. Just like an oak tree cannot return to being an acorn, one who is a conscious transformationalist sheds labels, patterns and even identities to align with their inherent ever-expanding nature. Devotion to transformation doesn’t include comfort seeking. Its intentional prayer passes from our heart to our lips by saying, ‘Onward, along the path of my soul’s greatest expression.’ Personally, I feel that the time for such devotion is needed more than ever. I consciously shed limitations, excuses and loyalties to people and things that are not congruent with this universal beckoning.”

…………………..

As far as I know, the idea of ‘curate your life’ originated with Dr David Ault.  The image in this post is his.  Dr David, most recently Senior Minister at one of the three CSLs in Atlanta, recognized that his spiritual path, and the paths of those who work with him, was best served by him leaving that position.  He, and his ongoing work, can be followed at www.davidault.com. If you join up to receive his e-newsletter, you will also receive access to his free e-book/training program, How to Sand Your Rusted Thinking, A resource guide to learning tangible actions for increasing self-awareness and living the life you want.  Sounds like a great tool to use in learning how to Curate Your Life more fully, should you be interested in that.  Happy exploring!

–Rev Janis Farmer

Releasing Myself From My History

With two drunk driving arrests by the time I was 18 in 1976, I was in a bad space. Although drinking, drugs and partying are often teen-age activities, my emotional state of desperation made alcohol a dangerous substance for me. Drinking to black-out began with the 2ndtime I used alcohol. I was a time bomb exploding. Going through treatment and a halfway house that year introduced me to recovery through a 12-step program, which I still practice today.

Getting clean, however, did not relieve me of the desperation. It did start me on the path to finding the Science of Mind for which I am most grateful. For me, practicing the 12-steps involves developing a spiritual practice. My practice involves action, giving back, meditation and journaling.

The action I follow is attending 3-4 12-step meetings each week and attending the CSLT service on Sundays. I give back to the programs that nurture me spiritually.  I sit on the CSLT board, host one Sunday/month and have 2 regular commitments in my 12-step program. Meditation, as I practice it now, is a twice-daily (usually) mantra meditation of 20 minutes. I use a mantra I received when I attended TM (transcendental meditation) classes in the halfway house back in 1977. I took the classes and was instructed in the discipline but felt that it was cult like and did not continue. When I investigated again at age 58 after talking to a friend that practiced TM, I found out that once you go through the training (and pay the fee), you receive lifetime support. I have been a daily meditator since June 10, 2016, using the Insight app that Shelly Dunn introduced me to. And I write a daily Spiritual Mind Treatment.

But what of the desperation? The sticky tar from which I sometimes think I will never escape. I see it as the La Brea Tar Pits pulling me down as I struggle against it. When I am engaged throughout my day, I am less aware of it, but when I pause, I feel it.  What the heck!  If I perform all these regular, helpful and healthy activities, why aren’t I walking on air and feeling connected to the Divine all the time? I mean, c’mon, I even listen to CSL podcasts when I drive instead of the news.

The Science of Mind taught me that the Divine manifests me. The connection I feel AS the Divine serves as the antidote to my desperation. Learning that the Divine expresses as me, breathes me, sings me, acts for me as It acts through me changes the way I feel. As I write this, as I type the words, I feel the shift.

I attended my 1st CSLT Sunday service in 2014. Shortly after, I began the Prosperity Plus II class. I pulled my husband into the class and now we both attend. The Sunday reminders, the classes, especially the certificated classes, the book studies, the movies and happily spending time with fellow members contribute to my sense of connection. I also work with a therapist to help process stuck emotions through a process of EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing).

Daily I work on cultivating my awareness of the connection. My life has blossomed since I discovered CSLT and particularly since I began meditating daily. So often, I would perform my daily ritual feeling guilty that I was taking time away from work. The story I told myself was that I was a privileged, selfish, needy woman. Now I know that I flourish because solidifying my sense of myself as the Divine, is my priority. Yay me!

–Marya Wheeler

Thoughts on Receiving

“Let us do away with a ponderosity of thought and approach the thing simply and quietly. It is the nature of the Universe to give us what we are able to take. It cannot give us more. It has given all, we have not yet accepted the greater gift.”    — Ernest Holmes, Science of Mind, p 42.4

I’ve never been one to ask for help. Having grown up without a parent or anyone else around most of the time, I learned to rely on myself and became fiercely independent. That usually works for me, though lately I’ve been experiencing much consternation regarding living alone in my sixties, and having no children I might be prone to rely on (without my asking, of course) should I become infirm.

In discussing this issue with a friend, I realized that I am able to comfortably and gratefully receive help if it isn’t personal, for example from my insurance company when they paid the entire $90K for treating/curing hepatitis C… thanks, much appreciated! Nor is receiving help difficult when I am able to barter; in the community where I live, I have reached out to trade cat care with several other women. The plan is, they watch my cats during vacations, I watch theirs – no monies are exchanged and everything works out ‘evenly’.

Yet there’s so much more to this than just feeling uncomfortable asking for help. Why don’t I think anyone would want to do anything nice for me? I think I have better-than-average self-esteem; is it contingent upon being self-sufficient? Gaaaah…

So, we create situations for our evolvement. I’m not saying I necessarily created the neuroma in my foot that required surgery, but I musta kinda have done so, because there it was, and my last option (short of manifesting it away) was surgery. The doctor told me I’d need to have three things in order before they’d agree to operate – a ride to the surgery center, a ride home, and someone to spend the first twenty-four hours with me.

Oh no.

I mentioned this situation at a CSLT board meeting and wouldn’t you know, three people offered to do these things for me? I mean, they worked it out who would do what and made sure I would be covered. I was floored. For one, I live on no one’s way to anywhere. In fact, I live so far northwest that I’m almost in Phoenix (according to a friend of mine, anyway.)

I had to say yes. I had to let them care about me. I had to trust that I really didn’t live too far away to bother with, that just maybe I was worth it. I had to let my good come to me in the form of loving friends. (Kindness makes me cry, sniff…)

It’s always been so much easier for me to give than to receive. Thankfully, I’m in the Wild Mind book study and I’ll probably find out why. I know how good it feels to me to give, to do things for people because I care about them. Why would I deny someone else that delicious feeling if they want to do something for me? Can I allow myself to be the object of someone else’s compassion?

“Keeping oneself from being loved was to refuse the ultimate gift. She was someone whose heart and mind, and very soul, had been battered and bruised. It was still – and always – safe to give since there was a certain deal of control to be exerted over giving. Taking, or allowing oneself to receive, was an altogether more risky business. For receiving meant opening up the heart again.” — Mary Balogh

–Renee’ Mercer

Telling Our Stories

It’s only fitting that I write about the importance of “Telling Our Stories” since my entire involvement with CSL in Tucson stems from reading a book filled with the stories of a CSL Minister in Milwaukee. He had a small community to whom he ministered and his stories of his and their growth together was the prompt for me to research (i.e. google) Centers for Spiritual Living in Tucson. That was three years ago and now I have my own stories to share and friends’ stories to listen to and learn from.

But what exactly does it mean to tell-our-story? Humankind has always told stories to teach, to express emotion, to share our lives. We’ve used cave art, dances, music and words. And at times we use them as a way to make sense of the “not ordinary.”

We are blessed with Rev. Janis’ storytelling woven throughout the reminders we hear every Sunday. Her accounts of living, learning and loving shine light on the choices we have to make every day. Those choices and the results from them build our story. (Ahem…not the stories we create to cover-up, shift blame, or rationalize whatever.) Our real, true story about who we are and who we claim as our core self.

And most importantly, our stories give us, and whomever we choose to share with, the brilliant understanding that we can — and have — and will do more of what is bright beyond belief for ourselves. As much as we choose to claim for ourselves, our unique individual choices that create our story.

My story is the growing ability to shed the baggage that I had carefully collected and maintained to insure remembering every thing that didn’t work. Doing the work as prescribed by Dr. Holmes to journal, to meditate, to stay always with the focus of remembering the perfection within. To remember every day that I choose HOW I respond. Even when things go wobbly or worse, I am in charge of how it affects me. And that continued growth in CSL teachings brings me to that beautiful place in my life.

I still have some of the same crazies, the same drivers on the road, the unbelievable high price of gas this week, yet when I remember what I’ve learned, it changes my response and thereby changes my story. The story I choose to live and share. Because now, when I remember, I know that I am in charge of my life.

We learn best from each other. Changing our choices becomes more possible when we know that others have already done it, and that there are as many ways to change and grow as there are members of the
community.

So now we are asking who else in the community would like to share their stories of CSLT. The Board and Rev. Janis are available and ready to help. Pat has even offered to do a writing-your-story-workshop. The sharing need only be 300-500 words as it will become part of our Newsletter and website. (500 words is shorter than this essay, which is 620 words).

Each of us has our own reason or experience for participating in this community, what it’s brought us, what it’s taught us, how we’ve grown, recovered or become better in any way. Let’s share.

If you have a CSLT story to share, please contact Rev. Janis or one of the Board Members: me, Pat Masters, Renee’ (Mezzone) Mercer, Janie Hooper, Marya Wheeler, or Dick Laird.

–Peace, Mariann

P.S. The book of stories I read is in the CSLT Bookstore: SUBURBAN MYSTICISM: A Love Story by R. Scott de Snoo. And yes, his name is really spelled “SNOO”.

Helping Ourselves by Helping Others

…let us begin to accept today more good than we experienced yesterday, and to know that we shall reap a harvest of fulfilled desires.
      Ernest Holmes, The Science of Mind 39.5)

A recent article in Psychology Today listed the many benefits of altruism. According to the article, acting with altruism can do more than make us feel good about ourselves mentally; it can actually release endorphins which give us a “helpers’ high.” These endorphins also enhance our immune systems, making
us physically healthier.

Also discussed were the emotional or psychological benefits of helping others. These included feelings of gratitude for what one has compared to those being helped, distraction from one’s own problems, and reduction in feelings of stress about one’s own life.

Mariann Moery and I were in PineTop last weekend. I made arrangements to meet Karen, a friend whom I had not seen for a year. When I first saw her, I noticed that she had lost a great deal of weight (60 pounds), was sporting a new haircut, and appeared to be happier than I had ever seen her. As we were waiting for our dinner, she began telling us about the new love in her life.

A year ago, she began volunteering at an organization called Walking Down Ranch that provides housing for homeless veterans in the White Mountain communities of PineTop, Lakeside, and ShowLow. Although it is difficult to say exactly how many homeless veterans are trying to eke out an existence there, the best guess is 200-plus.

Seeing a old lodge with 18 empty cabins in the community of Lakeside, the founding members of Walking Down Ranch made an agreement with the East Mesa Fire Fighters to rent the empty lodge for $1.00 a year. Volunteers went in and repaired each of the cabins, making each of them habitable for the individual veterans, and in some cases, for veterans and their families.

In addition to the 18 cabins, there are two additional buildings that are used as offices for the organization, and a thrift store, which provides income to help defray the cost of the repairs and utilities. They have a computer lab, a food pantry, a laundry room, and an exercise facility. While these facilities are not state of the art, they are functional and being put to good use.

While Mariann and I toured the facility Saturday morning, we saw a hair stylist providing free haircuts to the veterans. We saw veterans who were helping by washing windows, accepting and organizing donations, and providing information to visitors.

Because Karen believes in the organization to which she gives so much of her time and talent, her life is richly enhanced. She is passionate about the work they are doing, because she sees a need, a solution in which “everyone wins” and happy, healthy results.

If you are looking for a way to enrich your own life, think of an organization about which you have interest, gratitude, or passion. Is there a place where you can get engaged there? If nothing immediately catches your imagination, CSLT is primarily a volunteer run organization too. In our own community, we seek lively and enthusiastic individuals to help with Hospitality, Compassionate Hearts, Altared States, Hosts, and Ushers and Greeters. The time commitment to participate on one of our service teams is about once a month. Serving our community is a fabulous way to meet new friends, to serve in a very real way, and to enhance our community and you individually. As Rev. Janis would say, “We invite you to come play with us.” Each of us receives benefit individually from the shared experience and our community prospers.

–Pat Masters

Did you know?

Did you know that the City of Tucson signed a Charter for Compassion proclaiming the ethics and practice of compassion as one of the intentions of our city and citizenry on April 7, 2015? Rev Teresa Cowan of Sacred Space led the effort creating opportunities for community-wide small group book studies using Karen Armstrong’s Twelve Steps of the Compassionate Life. CSLT participated in the initial wave of these book studies through the leadership of our own Keith Gorley, who facilitated one of the initial book groups at our Office and Education Center. Keith has facilitated a number of these books groups for us. Read about the Charter for Compassion at charterforcompassion.org

Compassion is a word that gets thrown around a lot. What does it mean, exactly? Concern for the suffering of the misfortunes of others might entail sympathy, empathy, understanding, care and concern; love for all sentient beings is part of it, too. At the heart of it is a desire to reduce the suffering of others. In Semitic languages, the word for compassion is related to the Arabic word for “womb”. The physiological connection with womb evokes the idea of maternal affection that, some hypothesize gave birth (pun intended) to our human capacity for unselfish, unconditional altruism. Some scientists have theorized that humans, born with our big brains, are more dependent on maternal attentiveness and care than any other species, and that the co-evolution of qualities of compassion with our big brains allowed us to flourish as a species.

An often-undervalued aspect of compassion is the practice of self-compassion. The biblical order of “love yourself as your neighbor” implies a love of self. If this seems a difficult idea to imagine, we can imagine what it feels like to feel compassion for ourselves by drawing on the warmth of friendship that we know exists between ourselves and those we love, and then direct it toward ourselves. Truthfully, we cannot give to others what we cannot embody ourselves.

The experience and expression of compassion exists, at least potentially, in every human being and can become a healing force in our own lives as well as our world.

Did you know that CSLT has a Compassionate Heart team?

Its members continue to make themselves available to provide such things as transportation to and from doctor’s appointments and grocery stores; they also often provide meals when needed, conduct hospital visits, send cards and sometimes flowers, and help fill out paperwork for assistance, as well as provide many other services. Mostly they gratefully provide helping hands and caring hearts. They do not replace the need for continuous care, regular medical transportation, or skilled nursing care.

We also have a small amount of donated monies available for urgent medical or personal needs, which can be requested by a congregant. The request form, and all instructions for its use and access, is available on our tucsoncsl.org website under Organizational Documents.

What a wonderful opportunity to join this team and be of service! Please contact Wendie Arison if you would like to become part of this great team, or make use of the services we provide.

As the Buddhist prayer puts it so simply:
May all beings be free from suffering, know peace, and be happy.

Namaste, Janie Hooper

Sacred Service

It was Dick Laird’s turn to write the Board Member’s blogpost. Since he tends to be a man of very few words and a whole lot of valuable and valued engagement, he didn’t mind too much that I wrote it instead.

Something Dick recognized early on was that regular participation in the life of his Center or spiritual community was an important spiritual practice for him. It’s not something one might do if they needed to be recognized, honored or ‘show off’ in the spotlight, but it provides useful and necessary services to the community as a whole and to individual members of the congregation and it, metaphorically, ‘keeps the wheels on the bus’. Plus, there’s the added benefit of supporting and engaging with something valued.

One of the traditional paths of enlightenment in the yogic tradition is the path of service. This is called karma yoga. According to the Yoga Journal Online (citation at the end of this note), ‘being aware that all of our present efforts become a way to consciously create a future that frees us from being bound by negativity and selfishness. Karma is the path of self-transcending action. We practice karma yoga whenever we perform our work and live our lives in a selfless fashion and as a way to serve others. Volunteering to serve meals in a soup kitchen or signing up for a stint with the Peace Corps or Habitat for Humanity are prime examples of selfless service associated with the karma yoga path.’

Of course, this path of sacred service is not limited to participating at your Spiritual Center. Many of our congregants volunteer outside our Center for other non-profit groups and organizations, including public schools, hospitals, food banks, homeless shelters, and soup kitchens and in their own neighborhoods…

The path of sacred service also gives shy or introverted people an avenue to get involved and participate, and meet new people and feel connected to something larger than themselves, or their own human experience. Personally, I know of several individuals on the Hospitality Team, which seems like a hugely gregarious and extroverted bunch, who joined because it gave them a chance to get involved in a way that gave them some relatively simple, straight-forward tasks, once every couple months, and gave them a chance to be around people, feel useful, and not feel trapped or overwhelmed by the level of interaction. It also gave them access to a small group of people that they could work alongside of for a while and see if they might want to engage a little more socially. The same could easily be said about those who have worked behind the scenes, and behind the tables, to bring the Book Tables to Sunday Services, and those who provide assistance to the administrative functions of our Center.

So, look inside yourself and see if you have the appropriate amount of social engagement that suits your temperament and desires, and, if you find you would like a little more involvement in life and the idea of volunteerism works for you, reach out and touch a hand. There’s more than enough (joy, delight and potential connection) to go around.

https://www.yogajournal.com/practice/the-branches-of-yoga

–Rev Janis Farmer

Just Doing It . . . Later

One of my favorite ways to deal with change is as follows:

First: I hear or read something fabulous,
Second: I realize “I get this!” It is something I need to do.
Third: I can do this
Final Step: And I will – just as soon as I’m in a better place or not so tired or have cleaned the house, etc.

Reading Howard Falco’s TIME IN A BOTTLE has pushed (more like shoved) me to seriously acknowledge how I procrastinate really well on the more important things like change. And, how assiduously I hang onto the history I keep trying to learn from.

  “Regret has no positive value. …. {Regret} will poison your mind, body or soul in another area of life. …. Subconsciously regret limits what you feel you are worth…. must be dissolved to release the limits it imposes on you.
         Howard Falco: TIME in a BOTTLE – 55.3

  “Change is the dirty word here. Fear often fills in the space that opens up when change is on the horizon. …. the mind has found a way to protect itself from the idea or perceived threat of annihilation. This innate process…can become very dominating…and be a big reason that you may be unable to take the necessary steps you desire. “
         Howard Falco: TIME in a BOTTLE – 58.3

How often have I felt the immense uplift of reading or hearing something which creates a huge AHA moment, only to let it slip away in the comfort of routine and the ease of habit: reading the pleasantly written, happily-ending novel rather than the mentally-stretching, different point-of-view work sitting on my bookshelf. Or, not going to my computer and actually working on creating the photography I sometimes see in my mind’s eye. Because what I am ‘seeing’ is ‘not what I do’. When I let this different form of creativity call to me, asking to be made real and actual, I am intrigued and challenged. But it is so much easier not to work through the learning to work differently. Not now, tomorrow.

  “Creation happens only NOW. If you are mentally living in the past, you cannot simultaneously create something new and more positive.
         Howard Falco: TIME in a BOTTLE – 55.3

The problem with NOW is that it seems so — ephemeral – here and then gone. And, there will be more of “NOW” tomorrow. The trick to NOW seems to be a matter of actually being present to whatever I’m doing. The issue with that is what I’m doing frequently seems to be learning, practicing, making mistakes, learning from them and repeating those steps. It seems to take a lot of that before l ever get to the part where change actually occurs. I don’t remember signing-up for that. Even though when I do that process – it works. It carries me down the road to where I want to go. I just really hate not knowing everything – already.

   “I have something more important than courage—I have patience. I will become what I know that I AM.”
         Michael Jordan – courtesy of H Falco: TIME in a BOTTLE – 131.3

So, I work on acquiring patience, and doing the practice and learning to see what I want to become as Reality.

And,

  “To overcome fear is the greatest adventure of the mind of man.”
         Ernest Holmes: SCIENCE OF MIND – 404.4

–Peace, Mariann

This Stuff WORKS!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been looking for something that I couldn’t even name.  I thought it was love, then maybe happiness, then self-forgiveness or acceptance or something I didn’t have.   Then one day last week, I actually found it and it changed my whole world.  Here’s what happened.

I’ve taken most of the classes CSLT offers at least once, many of them twice, and am currently in Meditation class for the second time.  Right teacher, right classmates, right me – it’s been so very good.  At the end of every class we hold hands in a circle and declare what we are willing to have more of in our lives.  I’ve usually stated the ‘usual suspects’ – you know, love, joy, prosperity, peace.  But two weeks ago, the words, ‘self-love’ popped out of my mouth from who-knows-where.  I felt a little weird and even selfish about it at the time but I let it be because it kinda hadn’t been my idea, you know?  (Right… remember God through me/as me?)

A couple days later during meditation I had an image that felt so good and was so beautiful – I was in front of a roaring fireplace in a huge, stony room of a castle – it was dark except for the fire and I was alone except for a couple of cats lounging on the hearth rug.  It felt as though everything would be perfect as soon as…. as soon as what?  When I came out of the meditation, I realized I’ve been waiting for something my whole life, pushing away love, joy, peace of mind until… when?  I realized I’ve been waiting for my foot to get better so I can walk again and enjoy the outdoors, waiting for my favorite aunt to transition so I can grieve and get on with life, waiting to meet my perfect someone so I don’t feel alone anymore, waiting for my body to get in better shape so I feel healthier, etc. etc. ad nauseum.  Life suspended.  MY CHOICE.  Wow.  This was a pretty big AHA, but God through me/as me wasn’t done yet…

Later that same day I was surfing through Facebook posts and a wonderful woman who had been my practitioner at Center for Spiritual Living Seattle shared something that felt like the answer to every prayer I’d ever had, which it was, really… and a manifestation of my declaration after Meditation class of being willing to accept more self-love.  After much therapy, AA, self-help books and classes, I had been unable to stop punishing myself for my past, but I hadn’t given up on the possibility that maybe one day, somehow, I could step into my life in the Big Way that I intuited was possible.  And then I read this, and crumpled into a soft, sweet, tear-soaked puddle of self-forgiveness, self-love, gratitude and relief.

I don’t know who wrote it, but it was posted by Empaths, Old Souls & Introverts.  Here it is, my Big Magic:

‘Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time.  Forgive yourself for giving away your power.  Forgive yourself for past behaviors.  Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma.  Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.’

And the walls came-a-tumbling-down and I was free.  I mean it, FREE.   I re-wrote it using ‘I’ language and put it on my refrigerator.  Finding myself filled with love for pretty much everything, things began to shift as I now feel worthy of living my life, because it really is okay to be here.  And right away it became clear that regardless of the paperwork hassle, I have some more old skin to shed; my last name which was an ex’s name and it no longer serves me in a positive way.  I’m quite excited!

One last thing from Jen Sincero’s book, You Are a Badass:

‘To shy away from who you truly are would leave the world you-less.
You are the only you there is and ever will be.
Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.’ 

Now let’s do this life!

–Renee’

Getting After “It”

“Oh, this is going to be good!” exclaimed Reverend Donald Graves. It was Monday, January 29, 2017 after I had relayed how my morning had started with a run, then yoga, then being laid off/fired from my position as an auditor at the firm where I had been working for the past 2.5 years. I told him that I had kept visualizing going in to my boss that morning and resigning because I had another job. The other job had not come through but leaving their employ had materialized.

I had found the Science of Mind and CSLT in 2013 and had experienced a radical change in my level of happiness and peace. From taking classes to Sunday services to working with Rev. Donald, I had embraced the change. Now I had another opportunity to spread my wings and fly.

Although I did not have another job, I received 2 weeks severance plus my last week of pay. It was enough to carry me as I started my business, CPA Check Up. I had been a CPA for 3 years, having received my certificate at the age of 54. Experiencing lay-offs twice after long-term employment, once after 10 years at a savings & loan and, again, after 18 years at a large catalog company, I wanted to have a profession where my livelihood wasn’t dependent on One Big Customer. But with little accounting experience, I had been working for small CPA and accounting firms and had experienced the ups and downs of small business, working for 7 companies in 10 years. The shock of leaving a job involuntarily is difficult. I live my life with my co-workers, establishing friendships and caring relationships with friends and clients. I simply could not look for another job and, again, be at the mercy of another boss.

That first year I filed taxes for a handful of clients sitting at my friend Mo’s children’s computer. He was kind enough to let me e-file through his firm, as I was not set up to e-file. I have been working from home for the last 2 years, starting in a bedroom equipped with my computer, a desk and an easy chair. Last September I moved into a space that had previously contained my husband Chris’s drum sets. In November, I hosted an open house on a Wednesday morning for my new office space. About 50 people attended, including Rev. Janis, two fellow Foundations class members and a number of networking friends and colleagues.

As far as flying goes, it has been a mixed bag. I have come to find out that I do not like working for someone, being under someone’s thumb. And, for me, I am embarrassed to say that I need very regular praise and support and I have never found an employer that has supplied the level of engagement and Way To Go support that I need. I’ve also cried in my car due to financial fears. But with the loving support I’ve received from my family and the SOM philosophy and a 12-step support system to stand upon, I know that what I’m doing aligns with my higher self.

As far as manifesting my greater good, I have experienced great abundance, recently starting a contract where I earn more than 4x the amount of money per hour than my last job! I have had 4 clients that stressed me out and none of them are still with me. They left of their own accord although I am learning to, perhaps, not attract people that stress me out.

I grow in my sense of connection to the Divine and I learn to feel the Divine breathing me when I meet with clients and when I sit with situations to which I don’t know the answer. As I research and as I do my job, my capacity to live in love, as love, grows and my life improves.

So . . . Rev. Donald was right. This is “going to be good.” It has already been good, and as I become more practiced at spreading my wings, it, along with my life, continues to improve.

–Marya Wheeler

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