Help! I Broke My Internet!
We were in the middle of morning practice. I had spoken about feeling challenged by the necessity of showing up every single day to make sure we had the forum, and the structure, for morning practice. I had asked those in attendance to consider being the responsible person for hosting and/or leading the practice, once a week or so, on a regular basis. I did get a volunteer, sort of, and a suggestion they could all perhaps take turns leading the practice.
My internet connection, which normally is as solid as the rock of Gibraltar, began behaving unevenly. Someone else spoke about feeling challenged by technology, and unable to ‘get it to work right’, no matter what they did.
That day’s reading, from 365 Days of Richer Living, reminded us to give thanks for the blessings of the Divine in our lives. “…blessing what we have, recognizing that it flows from a limitless resource…” and reminding us “we are merely using it and distributing it. There is always more. The limitless resources of Spirit are at our command.”
During the silent meditation portion of the practice, my internet quit. Completely. The little icon that showed how good my connection was, said my connection was solidly there, but it wasn’t. Zoom couldn’t connect. My web browser couldn’t connect. Dropbox kept trying to sync. I rebooted my computer. Nothing helped. Finally I accessed a little sliver of connection (I don’t exactly know how), enough to touch base with my internet provider, who reported a system-wide outage, that should be back up … in three or four hours.
It wasn’t lost on me (for more than a minute) that I was fully ensconced in the mental model of ‘this doesn’t work for me.’ It also wasn’t lost on me that the “Foundations” class was discussing how we talk to ourselves, and the reminder that the Universe must return to us evidence of how we think, and how we talk to ourselves. It doesn’t matter whether we know about this rule of ‘as within, so without’ (or ‘as we think, so it is for us’), or not. The Universe is not being mean, harsh or cruel by showing us what we are thinking. It simply demonstrates something that works automatically, impersonally, implicitly, all the time, for everyone.
When we have the awareness that this law operates, and must operate, we have the option of choosing to use it for our benefit. This does not means we don’t ask for what we want, but we get to pay attention to how we are thinking about what we want or need. If we are coming from any place of lack, like I was this morning, then what we must get back is an experience of lack.
Something shifts internally, when I remember (again) that the experiences of my life show me my thoughts. It’s not that anyone or anything is against me, except possibly myself, and my old stories that I haven’t (apparently) quite shed yet. Remembering I have more control of my mind, and my thinking, than I do of anything else, I can always choose again.
Here’s to greater, and more consistent, awareness!