We all have them. If it’s not our own inner critic, it’s our family and sometimes even our closest friends. Through the years I have learned how to tame my own inner critic. Tame my family? Sometimes. Tame my friends? Not so much. I wonder what it is about me, that gives them the freedom/right to voice their unsolicited critical opinion of me, to me. I haven’t quite figured that out yet.

It was a typical Tuesday. A friend of mine walked in my home and saw something that she disapproved of. She stopped, pointed at it and immediately voiced her opinion at me. “I can’t believe you are feeding her this s***!” My body immediately felt a wave of tension rise up from my feet and come out my mouth. In an instant I was in defensive mode. She picks it up and starts reading the ingredients. “I know you don’t want to hear it.”

“No I don’t!” as I looked away. She continued on, and on, voicing her criticism of me and at the same time not wanting to hear my couple-minute-long defense.

Eventually we both dropped the conversation, but I picked it back up as soon as she left. The criticism of me, and the entire conversation, went around and around in my head. She said, I said. I took it to bed with me.

I woke up to a typical Wednesday, and chose to marinate on it all day, feeling my body tense up when ever I thought of it. I just wanted to let it go. I kept thinking, “consider the source” and mentally saying, “Not a word of truth in it.” That continued all Wednesday.

Finally and coincidentally (there are no coincidences) came the typical Thursday. Just like every other day, my day started out with our morning meditation group. During our 10 minute meditation I always read Norman Vincent Peale’s book Have a Great Day – Every Day! This day’s reading was written for me. I have reread it many times since then. This is what he had to say,

“A critic is an asset, though perhaps an unpleasant one. Consider criticism objectively and whether it is justified. If it is, then try to profit by it, even when it is unfriendly. If it isn’t valid, then forget it. Don’t criticize in return, just keep on doing your job to the best of your ability. Sure, it hurts, but we are not intended to go through life without some hurt. We are supposed to make strong people of ourselves.”

Since a critic is an asset, I’ll keep my critics and continue to work on taming them. They are in effect making me strong.

–Madeline Pallanes