For The Love of Tulips
“The mold of acceptance is the measure of our experience. The Infinite fills all molds and forever flows into new and greater ones. Within us is the unborn possibility of limitless experience. Ours is the privilege of giving birth to it!”
The Science of Mind, Ernest Holmes, p.161.4
The first place I ever owned was in Seattle, a very small (402 sq. ft.) sweet condominium. There was a common entry, then an elevator to my floor and a dozen doors leading into private units. I loved my little home with a view of the Ship Canal and fishing boats.
Down the hall lived a quirky, bubbly woman whom I had met in an AA meeting then realized we were neighbors. She was a light-filled, funny, adorable lawyer who saw the world as being one big amazing and exciting place. I can’t picture her without her big, toothy grin. I was used to her oddities, but she did one thing that I could never understand… she bought herself a big bouquet of fresh flowers every week. Every week! This action made no sense to me; the colorful foliage would begin to sag in a few days and then just die. Right there on her table. I saw this as an illogical use of money. Why would anyone do that? Why not buy a new cassette tape (this was 1993) or put the money in savings? Something that would last, would count? I even asked her about it and she said the flowers simply made her happy. I didn’t get it.
Then two days ago, I was at Costco and saw the loveliest tulips I had ever seen in my whole life. Giddiness washed through me and I effervesced all over everyone around me as I chose my favorite bouquet. I felt so happy, like I had just witnessed magic happen! In holding onto those perfect, beautiful, unnecessary tulips, I felt like I had a sweet spirit inside of me, a ‘daughter’ who never got to enjoy being a child, and she wanted the pretty tulips. She wanted me to have them for Mother’s Day.
As I bounced up to the cashier, tulips lovingly embraced and a big, toothy grin on my face, I realized this would be the first Mother’s Day where I wouldn’t sit around in self-loathing for not being the daughter I thought I should’ve been for my mother. In writing this, I have tears in my eyes, because it has become clear to me that I have finally forgiven myself my past. I have moved from self-hatred, shame and rejection of my good to self-acceptance, appreciation and self-love. I was exactly who I was meant to be, then, as now. Truth.
I have had a change in consciousness that now allows me to see beauty, to love freely, toletbeauty and love into my life and to allow the flow of God, of grace, of wonder, of all things magnificent come through me and to me. My only job is to stay the heck out of my own way and keep saying, “yes!” Yes, yes, yes!!
Oh! I am so grateful, so happy…
“Expose yourself to the success of learning and growing. Take a step forward right now, even if you don’t have the right shoes on. Stop thinking about it and shrinking inside. Your gifts are real. Your love is real. The wildflowers sing to you from the hillside. Everything you do will strengthen you. You cannot fail by moving forward. You will get to where you need to go.”
Inspired and Unstoppable, Tama Kieves, p. 69
By Renee’ Mezzone