By 1995, I had become an avid reader of all the spiritual and mystical books I could find. I visited a nearby metaphysical store every week searching for more knowledge and inspiration. My relationship with my husband was not going well and I was having difficulty in my spiritual life because of my long-standing feelings of anger and frustration.
One morning, I woke up and when I opened my eyes, it felt like dozens of little pulsing needles were poking my eyes! I was intensely sensitive to any type of light. It was excruciating! I asked my husband to close the blinds and drapes and tack up blankets to completely block any light from coming in the windows. I spent all day lying on the couch with a dark towel over my eyes. That evening, I couldn’t stand to have a lamp or ceiling light on or to watch TV even with dark sunglasses on. I had to cover all LED lights on digital clocks with black paper.
For the next few days, all I could do was lie on the couch with a dark towel over my eyes. I had a “poor me pity party” and angrily ranted to God, “What have I done to deserve this? I’ve been reading every book I can find to learn how to be a more spiritually balanced person. Now THIS happens! I feel absolutely useless right now! Oh no, am I going blind? PLEASE don’t do that to me!”
This condition intensified as the days wore on, so I went to my doctor. He said my eyes looked normal but gave me some eye drops. I had an MRI, to rule out a brain tumor as a possible cause, but it was normal. Well, I wasn’t going blind; it was a condition known as Photophobia. It would eventually, probably, go away on its own.
For 3 weeks, I continued my miserable existence on the couch, eyes closed with a towel over my face! I begged, cried and ranted, but my condition wasn’t improving. Finally, one Saturday, I said, “OK God, I GIVE UP! I went out to my car and drove to my favorite meditation spot; a church with a large campus of separate buildings and desert landscape throughout. It was very peaceful there. I walked to the back of the property, went behind a classroom building where no one could see me and sat down on the concrete walkway. I rested my back against the building and in a calm voice, said “God, I do not understand why this is happening to me, so I am here for answers. What is the meaning behind my eye problem? There must be a message for me in this experience and, until I understand and am healed, I intend to remain here, for however long it takes.”
I started to close my eyes, but then, I heard a rustling sound beside me. I looked, and there was a little bird flopping around on the ground. One wing was bent and when it tried to fly, it fell over and rolled. No matter how hard it tried, flight was not an option. I told it, “Believe me! I know exactly how you’re feeling right now!” I felt such compassion for the little bird’s plight that I picked it up and set it in my hands forming a little round nest with my palms and loosely clasped fingers on my lap. It offered no resistance. I gently tucked both wings around its body and softly rubbed my thumb over its head until it went to sleep.
I closed my eyes again. All anger and impatience was gone and only a sense of peaceful surrender remained. I said, “God, there are two of us, here, waiting to be healed. We know you are our Creator, so we have no doubts that you can fix us. We will be patient and trusting. Then, just like a tape recorder started, I heard all the desperate pleas, angry thoughts and words I’d cried out to God in frustration, since the first day of my symptoms. However, I listened to them in a detached non-emotional state. What was obvious to me, immediately, was how many times I had screamed out to God with questions but then never listened for answers. I had been so focused on my physical suffering, that not once, did I ask “What is this about?”
I took a deep shaky involuntary breath and when I exhaled, I let my mind go completely blank. Then, I saw/felt myself as the bird being cradled in a loving hand. I felt like I was a child again, who had fallen down and was now being comforted in the loving arms of my parent who stroked my head and kissed away my tears, saying, “I know you’re hurting, but everything’s going to be OK; I promise.” My entire world of trouble melted away in that complete and unconditional loving moment. Every muscle in my body relaxed and a huge sense of relief came over me when I realized I didn’t have to figure this out; I only had to listen.
The Message: “You do not have to look outside yourself to find answers to your problems. The solution is always available when you go within. I am always with you. Books are a source of information, but I will always have you, specifically, in mind when you ask for help in any situation. Just be still and listen for that guidance – it’s always available.”
With that, I opened my eyes and looked at the desert landscape surrounding me and at the beautiful mountain that loomed in the distance. My eyes were OK, and I no longer needed to squint in the bright sunlight. I looked down at my little bird friend, and its eyes were open and looking around as well. I knew we were both healed!
I set the bird back down on the sandy ground beside me and watched as it hopped up on a nearby wire fence. I cheered it on, “Come on! You can do this! Just go for it!” It fluttered its wings a bit and then flew away as birds with healthy wings do. I felt like a proud mom!
My energy was boosted and I felt like I’d just had my battery charged! I stood up and jogged across the landscape to my car. When I got home, I walked through the door laughing and commenting on what a beautiful day it was. When my husband asked what happened to me, I simply said, “A miracle!” Then I pulled all the blankets off the windows, threw open the curtains and thanked God for my vision. I felt such joy!
This experience taught me that whenever I need assistance in my life – rather than read a book, get angry or struggle to figure things out on my own, I can sit quietly and trust that God will always tell me what I need to know. I’ve experienced several spontaneous healings that most people would consider to be miracles. I know it as God continuing to bless my life.
(I was prompted to write the above story because I recently watched an Oprah Winfrey interview with Dr. Michael Beckwith, of Agape International Spiritual Center. He talked about his book, Life Visioning. One thing he said really hit home for me, “When you struggle with a problem, focusing only on that problem, it will intensify. The only way you can overcome circumstances and situations that are pressing in upon you, is to go within. He said pain pushes until a larger vision pulls. When we ask disempowering questions like, “Why is this happening to me?” all we’ll get is a bevy of excuses. But when we ask empowering questions like, “What message is trying to emerge?” and put our full attention on possibilities of a higher purpose, the process of moving out of the darkness is speeded up. He said, “The good news is that our potential is infinite, and is always bigger than any problem that we face.”)
I have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!
By Serina French