I am ever grateful for the philosophy and tools I have learned here at CSLT because they have changed my approach to living. During the last few weeks I faced some challenges that would have defeated my old self. But I learned way back in Foundations class that when the brown stuff starts to pile up that is the time to start getting out the spiritual tools like meditation and prayer. One of my lifeline quotes from Ernest Holmes in The Science of Mind is on page 282.4. (I know it is important because it appears totally in caps):

TO DESERT THE TRUTH IN THE HOUR OF NEED IS TO PROVE THAT WE DO NOT KNOW THE TRUTH.  When things look the worst, that is the supreme moment to demonstrate, to ourselves, that there are no obstructions to the operation of truth.

Holmes is talking about keeping the faith in Good when everything seems grim. All around me everything sure felt negative. I had been personally attacked and undermined on my job. I saw a long- time coworker and friend involuntarily transferred out of my unit. A friend at the Center decided to steer her life away in a different direction. I had my faith denigrated by a person close to me as “fortune cookie nonsense.” I was left thinking “What the hell?” I felt angry, very angry, and I also experienced a sense of loss for the people no longer in my daily sphere.

I have a card on my altar with a quote by Ram Dass that says: Everything in your life is there as a vehicle for your transformation. Use it! That means everything that happens to me is ultimately for my good. I knew I had to start looking for that Good. I remembered Reverend Janis quoting Nelson Mandela as saying that if he continued to be bitter and angry at those who held him captive, it would be like keeping himself in prison. That told me I had to process my anger too, and that didn’t mean eating a box of chocolate to numb out. It meant a form of radical acceptance, just letting myself feel my emotions. I sat with my anger in meditation and let it tell me where it lived in my body and what it wanted me to know. I was aware that behind every emotion is a thought. As I sat I discovered the thoughts behind my feelings of anger and loss and the story I created about my reality.

My freedom of choice allows me to reframe the meaning of any experience, to rewrite my stories. I asked myself “is there a different way to look at this situation than as a victim?” That’s when I remembered that I had stated my desire to get in touch with that warrior woman archetype within me a few weeks ago. I had said I was attracted to the independence, decisiveness and strength of the warrior archetype and wanted to bring it into my personal life. Bingo! I had brought the perfect opportunities to myself to practice! When attacked on the job I strongly asserted myself and spoke my truth in a way I had never done before. When ridiculed for my beliefs, I accepted that I no longer needed others to accept me and approve what I do. When the two friends moved on, I realized I had not lost them but their daily absence from my life did spur me to remain independent in my work and growth. I indeed began to see all these events as catalysts for my transformation. I found God and saw the good in the events that had seemed so hurtful.

Like dough to make good bread, I sometimes need the leavening yeast of challenges, along with a good kneading, to make me rise and be strong. Once risen I know I can go out into the world and help others rise as well. In the New Testament, Luke 13:20–21, Jesus gives his shortest parable:

“To what shall I compare the kingdom of God? It is like leaven that a woman took and hid in three measures of flour, until it was all leavened.”

I now know I can prove the Truth to myself. It only takes a few people living the Truth to help others so we may all rise together and create the Kingdom of God right here.

And So It Is!

By Leah Hamilton