Today I sat quietly, closed my eyes and ventured into a bold inward quest to understand why I hadn’t been able to manifest my goals. As the process evolved, it became obvious; I was responsible. I guess I’d always known that, but hadn’t wanted to deal with it!
Under a microscope, I saw evidence of a substantial build-up of resentment in my life. Beginning in childhood, and continuing throughout my life, I had accumulated quite a load of anger and hurt feelings. I tried to forget them, but truthfully, they were old familiar “companions”. I hadn’t figured out how to let them go, forgive and move on. I felt “entitled” to feel “wronged” by those mean-spirited people and regretful events that had impacted my life so negatively. I hadn’t seen it as any of MY doing; I had been the victim, here!
Oops! Had I thought of myself as a victim? That would mean I had no control over what happened to me. That really touched a nerve! If I am responsible in my life, what was I thinking – giving someone or anything power over me? I started getting angry again, only NOW I was mad at MYSELF!! (I had to take a few deep breaths to calm down.) If I am undermining my own progress of manifesting, because of resentments I can’t forget, how do I wipe the slate clean and move on?
Carrying around all those resentments tainted every new relationship or situation. I also saw that it hadn’t just been anger I’d been carrying around; I’d also been harboring FEAR that I could potentially fall prey to some of those old familiar scenarios in my life again in a present day experience. Because of this, I’d been denying myself the simple privilege of enjoying the “now” – a new, previously unknown, unblemished moment in time.
I’d always believed myself to be intelligent and evolving spiritually, but I hadn’t been very happy or content. So, obviously, I needed to make better CHOICES. First, I made the choice to forgive myself, because I realized I couldn’t imagine continuing in life without forgiveness for the many blunders I’d caused, all on my own, in my life. Next, I chose to forgive everyone else whoever hurt me, knowing I couldn’t ask anyone else to be infallible when I’m so obviously imperfect. Thirdly, I chose to change the classification of “Resentments” to “Lessons Learned”. New slogan: Better choices yield better results. This stuff works! I felt so much lighter already!
At the end of this inward quest, I felt so liberated and free! As I opened my eyes, I understood that what had blocked my manifestation had been my death-grip on my old RESENTMENTS! Forgiveness took them away in a flash! Amazing! What a productive use of my time!
~ Serina French ~